AAAARRRG! Why do i have to feel like this?!?!? Normally school shopping makes me happy and such, and playing with my new stuff brings me joy but today i cannot attain happiness. i am so MAD! and so depressed at the same time and so insecure and just not content in any way. I mean, at the end of this week i get to go to noas arc, the worlds largest water park, and go on a bike-ride with my friend carmen and i should be looking forward to it but i feel so god damned empty and so upset and just not right.!!! I'm so frustrated. I wanna be free again but i cant be free until i hear his voice again. until i have the reassurance that he still loves me. Monks cant sing. I remember ian singing to me before he left. God i miss him so much. i feel like my soul has left me. What was once me is now a crater.