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Righty-o! So! My parents are total bastards. I'm driving home and the oil temp monitor thing starts crawling up towards danger zone so I do the normal stuff, turn on the heat to let the fucker cool down and shit. So it doesn't work and I try calling home but my mother is worthless and gave me a cell phone with no batteries. So I'm parked in the middle of fucking nowhere tyring to get this car to cool the hell down and these weirdos keep pulling up and asking if i "want a ride to the nearest gas station"... no sir, i would not like to be raped and murdered, thanks though. So I drive to the gas station, call them because I'm not familiar with this car and I dont want to break it or fuck anything up, and they bitch at me for not doing a full diagnostic scan on the beast... "why is it that we can drive the cars with no problem but when you get behind the wheel things start going wrong?" ... I dont know Mom, maybe because you're a retard that doesn't check how much engine coolant you have.

Home... is where the heart is? God I hope so, because then this place isn't my home. I dont understand why this is the only place where I feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells. It's fucked up beyond description and frankly, a little disconcerting at present.

I can't shake the feeling that something terrible is going to happen within this week. Last night I had a dream that Scott, Matt's brother died. Really menacing vibrations today, very tense, very uncomfortable. I fear I'm going to have a nasty bruise to cover up what with the way my brother has been acting...

I pity my Grandma Fae. She's treated like an obligation by my mother. My father is rude as all hell to her, and granted he's probably bitter over the past but to me she feels so frail. When I look at her I see her crying alone at night, abandoned in that god awful Homestead, with no one calling her, the family blaming her for George's suicide and her living out her life in solitude, grief, and loneliness. My mom says she brings it upon herself, and keeps bringing up the same example. I guess she never heard the term forgive and forget. Well, Fae is now 80 and I almost wish I wasn't in college so I could spend more time with her... Her eyes light up every time I walk in the room and I really think its because I'm the only one who listens to her. It's weird, I love that woman and feel so much compassion toward her, and yet, because of my parents, I barely even know who she is. It's so fucking wrong...

On a lighter note, I hung out with Cody for like 6 hours today. It was really fun, and really not awkward. Just went with the flow and all is totally cool. We still cuddle but that's because we're both cuddling fiends, and god help me but I'm still really attracted to him. We played backgammon, listened to NOFX and some tunes on my computer, watched Fight Club, and genuinely had a really good time. It's such a nice change, I didn't want to leave. After cuddling I wont be able to fall asleep well alone tonight... damnit. He smells good too, why can't our parents disappear and just allow us to spoon the night away? Hmm? That's innocent enough... he says he's going to try to come up to Minneapolis for part of his spring break... that would be pretty damn cool but also pretty damn improbable.

Anyhow, I'm supposed to call chris at 11, which means I have to be up at 11. Therefore, I must cease this rambling and go to sleep.

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