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my mom is a douche.

So apparently, panic attacks are no longer important things. I called home to ask my dad the possible causes of my anxiety/panic attack yesterday and she's just like, it's nothing, get over it, your dad doesn't want to hear it anyway. Not to mention the fact that she thinks I'm lying altogether. Yeah, well fuck you too.

Matt is being a little too recalcitrant for me today. I know it's not me, and if anything it's himself and his mother, why he isn't getting out of that goddamn house and spending time with Shane I'll never know. I couldnt take it, I just got offline.

I made a very grim realization today. When my computer crashed I lost both of my novels. Granted it's only a total of about 120 pages with the two of them combined but it's still horribly depressing. I think I might have a hard copy of Untitled but the other is long gone. I guess its alright, those memories will never leave me, and the beginning sucked ass anyhow. Yet 120 pages evaporated.

This semester seems to be driving people insane. It's not just me either, other people have been telling me the same thing. Very menacing vibrations, melancholy surroundings, miserable weather, perfect recipe for madness. Tonight I found myself shut in my room, listening to sublime, and trying to convince myself that it'll be nice soon and things will get better. I wanna see the goddamn sun. I want to see green leaves and life again, I'm sick of these skeletal trees, and feeling so surrounded by ghost concrete. I can't wait for spring break, honestly, it's the only thing keeping me going right now.

On the plus side, Jack and I talked in Spanish today. We had to do our daily "Contestar Preguntas con tu Amigo!", and Kimberly had Jack come over to contestar conmigo. He's even more attractive closeup. Not good... his friends keep looking at me during class. It's making me paranoid, I dont like feeling like I'm being evaluated/sized up. Maybe its because he's interested though. I guess I dont really care. It's purely chemical, mentally I really have next to no interest in this boy. Yeah, that's Matt's fault too.

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