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sometimes jacks will rule the realm...

I think I'm bi-polar. Literally 3 minutes ago I was running around, laughing, pretending to pick bugs out of the guys hair but now I feel so alone and so embarrassed of myself for behaving in that fashion. I am so afraid that i'm growing old. More afraid that I'm losing, time seems so short. Matt wants me to call him back around 9... but really didn't seem like he wanted to call me tomorrow. "But, you're calling me tonight?" .. i told him i dont know if that'll happen... But then he sounded all happy at the end, talk to you later, glad to do so as well.

Time is never time at all. You can never ever leave without leaving a peice of you.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Suddenly I feel really inadequate... ugly. I feel like I should change, I'm flawwed. I feel like such a freak. In my poetry class, where I thought I'd find common ground I'm feeling more and more alienated. I think I'm the only one that really has an affection for words and I always feel like a complete nerd. I dont feel like I can be myself either, like being myself would be unacceptable. I don't trust people, all of them are so very fickle. I feel like I can't trust anything, paranoid that people are talking about me behind my back, afraid that I'll never just be good enough.

Song of the moment... 30 Days - Jimmie's Chicken Shack

Comments

ex_stoicism868
Jan. 23rd, 2004 04:35 pm (UTC)
hey, i totally hear you on the being super crazy giggly happy, and then being ashamed by it. i've gotten to the point lately that literally everything i say i feel embarrassed for. like in french class, when the prof asked if anyone had seen le carneval and i said yeah, cause i lived in germany for a little while....stuff like that, that it makes very little sense to be embarrassed about....

i hear ya.....we can hang out and be bipolar together.
virtuistic
Jan. 23rd, 2004 11:21 pm (UTC)
awesome... we can generate a room full of emo gush and release it on the world. Seriously, my entire day has been a fucking roller coaster, and once again, it's plunging.

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