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Why did i start?

I always told myself trust him. believe what he says but god dammit i am sitting here wallowing in my own self pity and UGH! I miss him so much. i wish i knew what he was thinking this is just too much time. too much absense makes the heart grow fonder? dont think so. too much absense equals doubts. which i SHOULDNT DO! but it just...if he misses me as much as he said he does...then why the hell doesnt he call? you'd think he'd at least make an effort? i wish he would. he's all i've been able to think about. its been so long. 3 weeks. GOD DAMMIT! he has to come back.! maybe i'll call back today, and see if he's called, and he probably hasnt. and i'll ask his mom to pass it on to him that i'm coming back up there september 5th. i miss him so much. I WANT HIM BACK! what the hell is this? this ist supposed to happen.! i dont know anythng about what is going maybe i'll talk to his mom and ask her to shed some light. phone rings. and i'm hopeful all over again. then its always disappointment. i KNOW it isnt him. now i'm crying and god i wish i wasnt because ugh.! Why did he have to make me fall for him like this? Why did he do that and then leave?!? god dammit.! it isnt fucking fair.! i know it wasnt intentional. and i know when i see him again i'll forgive him instantly but right now its just...ugh.! shouldnt doubt him i shouldnt. but if he missed me he'd call. thats what bothers me. its what started this.

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