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i will be your light

"heh, yeah I can see how she could think that, i've been really fucking busy. Our band practices like nonstop. I wish I could see her though."

The above is a quote from an msn conversation between my friend john and cody. I suppose I should be a cheered a little, but I keep thinking, well where the hell is the effort to see me then? Wouldn't you think after 3 months of not seeing me he could take at least one day, tell the guys in the band, "I really want to see my girlfriend... you know, the one I'm writing the song about" and I think they'd be down with it. But, they're "cramming... to have a demo done by the end of this month." It's getting to the point where I'm starting to plan what I'm going to say to break up with him... i'm just so afraid of hurting him... but so sick of hurting.

"if he really loves me,
why did he desert me?
And in my hour of need,
I truly am indeed,
Alone again, naturally." - Gilbert O'Sullivan

Yesterday was great though, I opened the coffee house and as it was New Years Day and no one thought we were open, we had 7 customers throughout the entire day... it was pretty peaceful. Then, I went home, brytne followed but she was preoccupied by the internet so when matt and shane came over it was a-ok. We all watched Life as a House, and I remembered just how fun it is go anywhere or talk about anything with those two, they're still two of my favorite people. Everything was back to normal. I also think I'm finally accepting that matt and I will always just be really good, really close friends and probably nothing more. Maybe it's the added comfort that tynan offers, I don't know. I wont lie, I'd still love to be in a relationship with matt, but, as he'd probably say, "right now is not the time nor the place."

Placebo rocks my socks!

Corporate America wakes
Coffee republic in case
We open the latch on the gate
Of the hole that we call our home

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