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drugs are bad.

so ah... yeah.

I'm going to apologize for any typographic errors that occur whilst i type this pathetic excuse for an entry....i'm a little high, well, a lot high on hydrocodone... today was painful, and i'm feeling really self destructive, i need to talk to someone but that has kinda fallen through, as it's almost 10... no calls allowed after...

my mind is really cruel to me. all day i've been suffering this terrible paranoia that everyone here secretly hates me and is really glad that i'm gone and everyone except the friends that aren't really my friends are the only people calling me... present company excluded of course but god damnit.

I cant breathe here. The air is poisonous. It breeds stasis. Nothing EVER changes here and it's so disgusting because there is so much that is in desperate need of change. honestly, this is the most foul place on the face of the planet, a proper punishment for Saddam would be to force him to live in Cambridge for the rest of his days. In fact, that might be too cruel. Thinking about it makes me want to puke. The fact that I'm here just makes me feel raped. It's like taking a person that's been blind for their entire life but then giving them sight for 4 months, then telling them "sorry, we're going to have to gouge out your eyes and replace them with different ones after about a month of sheer blackness and hope that you aren't permanently scarred from the trauma."

I'm really afraid of being a victim despair or being infected by the general attitude of this hellhole. Fucking goddamn preppy wannabes, yesterday "Brytne" (whose name is actually spelled Britney but she likes the y better cuz it's so - like - original) was so proud of the fact that her mom bought her a *pink* etnies hoodie. She doesn't skate, she's never tried to skate, she's never worn etnies shoes.... but it's pink! And it's "punk"! and those two go SO well together! Just like her punky monkey baby tee! Which is like, pink too, like. And it's coordinated with her pink sparkly studded belt, like. And the fact that she will occasionally go to a show at the loft, where local madison pop-punk/emo bands play, must make her a bonafide punk. GOD, this is no place for a minimally intelligent individual, let alone me. Fucking brand worshippers.

If I only could I'd set the world on fire...

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
(Anonymous)
Dec. 24th, 2003 12:42 am (UTC)
You
Please, drop me an email saying that you're ok. I'm gonna be up all night worrying. Let me know....
-The V.B.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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