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extended disappointment

` sigh. Ian's mom is so nice. she really is. i'm jealous. but my assumption was confirmed, there is no phone up where he is staying. I miss him so much. I havent talk to him for two weeks and a day. [wow, the radio didnt edit out the word fucking from "rock show"] im trying to grasp onto anything that keeps me from thinking about the fact that i miss him so much. i wonder if he's thinking of me. God i miss him so much. and i always think about him and that doesnt help.! i guess i must admit. i am addicted to ian. and i miss him. and i need him. im in withdrawl. ` shrugs. i mean it was so nice being able to talk to him. for once in my pathetic existance i felt like someone was actually listening to what i was saying and actually CARED! i've never had that before. and with all that has been happening i dont know i just want to talk to him.! thats all i can do.! and now thats taken away from me. i feel completely cut off from the only thing that MEANS anything to me.! life is one giant unjustice. and now his mom tells me that he might be going to school there.! which is even more depressing.! because that means i'm cut off for almost uh...forever. i cant take this.

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