Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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its been awhile

its been a long while, since this feeling re-emerged. I cant remember the last time i wanted to die. Now, sitting here with the tears pouring down my face and drenching my shirt and causing me to not breathe properly or see, death is what i want. please. i beg you make this all stop.! what did i do to deserve this.?!? nothing comes close to calming this tidal wave. god, why would u put me through all this agony. just kill me already.!!!! my own blood is soaking my shirt and down to my jeans. but it wont kill me. unfortunately enough. bloodstains on the carpet. damned if my parents even notice. probably yell at me to clean it up. breatheing hurts so much. why dont these people ever get what is coming to them.?!? am i but a rag doll? no i'm special, i'm a rag doll that bleeds when you stab her. i am a rag doll the bruises when you hit her. i just want to die.! god end this.! and the only person that actually gave a damn about isnt reachable. Everything i ever had to live for has been stripped from me. i just sit here in my corner, crying hysterically, demolishing yet another box of kleenex, making those horrible little dying sobs that coms from the athsma mixed with the anguish. i just want to die. damn those bastards that say family is there for you. fuck them all let them go to hell and see what i have been through and then let them talk. god i just need someone to talk to. i'm falling and i cant stop. its been so long since i've felt this way before. i just want to die god end this all. let me bleed out something i dont care just let me die.
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