Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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Problem's never go away, I'm sick of being stuck in yesterday.

I dont know what to do. Everything is a mess, everything that was once ordered in my life and reliable isn't anymore. I dont know what to do. The bases that I thought I had are disintegrating beneath my feet. I'm going insane with insecurity. No one calls me anymore, they were only my friends because of her. All I can think about is this weekend, how I'm going to be stuck up in freaking Michigan and no one is going to care and I'm going to get home and the only person on the caller ID will be Ian and my grandma complaining that I dont call her enough to listen to her complain about her blood pressure machine and her latest trip to the hospital. Lately I've been immersing myself in books I dont even like just to avoid thinking about all of this, I sleep whenever possibly to escape, I skipped school for the first time yesterday. Everything is so screwwed up. Things were going well between me and matt. He told me that he is in love with me, and wants me to dream of him. Then this whole thing exploded and he and I have been assigned to our normal duties of patching, repairing, and restoring what possible. It's amazing how we have the same intentions, at least, i think so. But in this situation I'm not so sure about anything. The people that I thought were stable and that I could rely on, aren't there anymore. I feel like I have no one. Ugh, but now I have the story, and I wish it wasn't as complicated as it is and at the same time isn't. I'm so fucking sick of being a repairwoman. No one is ever here to glue my fucking peices.
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