The Jazz Concert went suprisingly well last night. I mean, sure we missed an entrance, but that's all good because we missed it together. I love jazz, even if you mess up terribly and frack, everyone thinks it was supposed to happen. My solo went really well, Foxy cut out of his early so I just picked up early and it was really smooth and our styles meshed well. Plus, I saw Matt yesterday for the first time since the stupid thing. I dont know what to think.
He kind of avoided me at first, then he came to find me and was all shy about giving me a hug and then started humping my leg. So we went over to Lennon's house and he played their out of tune piano and ugh, I think that's what made me let down my guard. He kept pulling me into him, giving me hugs. He gave me a little bite on my shoulder, a lot lighter than he used to. But he started talking to me again, and he told me that he didn't want me to leave, he wanted to talk to me, i'm his outlet. But I still have all of these doubts, even though I want to trust him and have things go like they would in a movie. He did it all for me, right? Cheated on the preppy girl because he found girl that he truly relates to and likes, with substance? Or...maybe these reasons are why...
2.) Darci has a boyfriend now so now he's going to use me to make her jealous.
3.) He can't stand being alone and just needs someone to pass the time.
4.) He just wants to be friends and I'm taking it the wrong way
5.) He just finds me entertaining because I'm fucked up and he hasn't figured me out yet.
6.) He's fickle and this is just one of his many faces.
...or maybe he just needs someone to talk to. And I'm the only one that will listen.
and happen to be ever close
seem to be the ones lurching
for the same things that you are searching
the ones who make you feel ill
and you think that nature should have killed
those you curse when you’re alone
seem to be so close to home
I told myself I wouldnt let this happen again.