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Featherweight flakes fall at 4 a.m.
Lacing a mesh veil across the shingled rooftops
Subduing the soundwaves and snores into silence
Muffling the wail of the morning's crime hounds.
Yet, soft as long-hair fur
It clings delicately to eyelashes,
Drawn by the same invisible electric gravity.
Sticky, static sparks flutter past streetlights and signposts.
Unguided, they heed no direction
Follow no prescribed path
But wander along in the wistful wind,
Spiraling away from a simple diagonal decline.
They hop back up toward the heavens
Catapulting and kareening joyfully back aloft
Momentarily lighter than the air.
But the arabesque eventually ends.
Begrudgingly, they reunite with the downward road
To rest on a riot of their peers.

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( 4 comments — Leave a comment )
Apr. 1st, 2009 10:37 pm (UTC)
I like this, the ending best of all - the arabesque metaphor is great. The descriptions toward the beginning seem a little too, conventional, though.

The alliteration is just plain tasty.
Apr. 2nd, 2009 04:31 am (UTC)
I completely agree with you.

I wrote this at 4 a.m. though, and I just wanted to get to the arabesque bit. So I might even redo everything above the "crime hounds" line... because I do like that description of sirens.

I think alliteration, consonance, and assonance are my favorite poetic tools. XD I haaaate rhyme.

I wrote with my friend Dan tonight, and he writes with so much structure. I think it might help me -- as a writer -- to try to focus on structuring my poetry more... but probably not until Scotchtape Autumn is finished, because the concepts are so organic and emotional I think the language has to freer. Thoughts?
Apr. 2nd, 2009 04:53 am (UTC)
Edited! I likes it!
Apr. 6th, 2009 06:37 pm (UTC)
Sadly it's been long enough that I'm not sure about what individual changes you made - but I now really really like it, as opposed to liking the second half of it a lot and thinking the first half held unfulfilled promise.


Also, I could swear there was another poem somewhere I hadn't commented on, but I can't find one.
( 4 comments — Leave a comment )

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