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you could be my heroin...e.

I wish I was eloquent. Ugh, I'm kind of mellow. I'm so tired today I dont even want to move, this morning I just kind of stayed in bed with all my covers until 10 minutes before school. Oh well, you can't really tell. But Matt said he'd like to join Jazz band and I saw Mr. Petersen today and I asked him if Matt had asked to join yet and he was all, "Matt can't be in it, he dropped the ball too many times the first time he joined". That made me mad cuz that was when he was a freshman and we all know how reliable freshman boys are...Ugh. But tonight he and I are supposed to "chill". I talked to him last night and he said, "Hey, we should go out sometime". I should have said, "We should just go out." but nooo, what do I say, "How about tomorrow?" Ugh, dammit I wish I could have gotten tickets for the orchestra, I want to take him so badly. Maybe he'll settle for a disney movie and a trip to Mel's. He's always telling me we have to watch a disney movie.

I'd like to be around him just the two of us for once, especially after yesterday. I'm glad he told me what was on his mind though. I hope he knows that his secrets are safe with me. I want him to keep talking. He intruiges me. He told me I should take him up to my Thanksgiving with me. I want to but I dont think my mom will be too keen. I'm just thinking about tonight, I basically ditched Tosha for him. I hope she doesn't get mad. =/ Mike says that tomorrow, me and matt and tosha have to come over to his house and sit in his new hot tub. I'm afraid because of Mike but Matt is a good protector. I was thankful for when he did at Bill's. But no one is allowed at Bill's for two weeks. We've all been chilling at Shanes which I think is actually more fun. Maybe that's just because of Friday, even though it wasn't all fun and games. I was lying down and Matt walks in front of me and goes, "Oh, I fell over!" and falls down on top of me. He's very cuddly and he smells really good. But yeah, then I choked on a piece of popcorn and almost died. I made him cry for the first time in his life. He thought I had died. Mindy said they didn't think that I was going to make it and he looked like he had just lost his best friend. I guess he couldn't even talk for an hour after I left and after that it was, "i should have helped more, I'm a terrible person, she was just lying there and I did nothing" and so on. I wish that had never happened. I guess he cares? He told me what was on his mind yesterday and I hope he keeps it up. I just wish he'd tell me where we are at and were we will be going. He always tells me that we have a fabulous future together. Now all I can think about is...

We should go out sometime. You and me.

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