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Things change so quickly. I feel really rushed right now and I don't know why. I dont have any major deadlines running at me. Last night I spent 6 hours on college applications. I feel really unprepared. I'm starting to feel kind of insecure. I want to get out of here, but I want to fly not fall. It's kind of depressing too because in everything I need more money, that means i need more hours, but yet i need more time to relax and I'm just going to go stark raving mad.

Why do you never see the headline, "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

So many questions on my mind. What makes us all so unhappy? I mean, I know what makes me unhappy but that's because I'm retarded and dwell too much on negative things and negative happenings in my past. Shane tried to overdose on ibuprofen last night. I don't know why, he has so many friends and people that care about him. I also heard that Matt was kicked out of his house. That worries me. We had such a great time when we went to go see Harry Potter. It made me kind of mad that my parents went and sat 5 rows behind me so they could watch my every move, it's not like I was going to rape him in the theater. But I saw him checking me out like 4 times, I guess he finds me attractive? Also, he held my hand when I was cold, teased me about spiders, held my hand in front of my parents as we left the movie theater, opened doors for me, held me when i was cold, *sigh*. What kills me most is what he said. "This night has been so perfect, so fun I lost myself in it. I never want it to end". Saying goodbye was hard, we just sat in silence for the longest time holding hands, cuddling kind of. *sigh* I miss talking with him. When I'm with him I feel like I could fly. He told me that he loved me yesterday. We still aren't going out yet, but I get the feeling he was going to ask me, there were just too many people. There are always too many people. Too many people causing too many problems, too many questions. Too much. Far too much.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
ex_stoicism868
Nov. 23rd, 2002 10:09 am (UTC)
hmm. i just woke up and read this, and maybe i'm feeling philosophical because my mind is still all weird from sleep, but..

"So many questions on my mind. What makes us all so unhappy? I mean, I know what makes me unhappy but that's because I'm retarded and dwell too much on negative things and negative happenings in my past"

i think you answered your own question. people overlook positive things and cling to the negative, thus making their viewpoint of the world, their surroundings, themselves negative. BTW you're not retarded. i think it's an unwritten human nature thing to dwell on negativity. everyone seems to thrive on it, no?
virtuistic
Nov. 23rd, 2002 09:21 pm (UTC)
Re:
agreed. happiness is a fad. rawr. i dont understand the purpose of emotion. it hurts far too much. i dont know though, a lot of the times when i appreciate the little things, people rain on my friggen parade. rawr. But it's okay cuz heaven is a halfpipe. If i die before i wake, at least in heaven i can skate!!!
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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