Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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Today's the day when dreaming ends...

Never knew I could feel like this.
Like I've never seen the sky before.
Want to vanish in your kiss.
Seasons may change,
Winter to spring.
But I love you til the end of time.
Come what may, come what may
I will love you til my dying day.

I feel as loved as roadkill feels alive. Nice metaphor, eh? Charming. I love Ewan McGregor's voice. I hate how I feel. I feel used, unloved. I feel frightned, nothing I know is real. Everything I've been living is one big illusion. I dont even know who my friends are anymore. I miss Holly, I miss Jessi, I miss Ian. I hate the fact that my dad is up in Ignace pussy-footing around fishing and he didn't have the decency to take me up there to see Ian. Sadly, I dont think Ian cares. I think I've become a routine for him. Meaningless routine. Everything feels meaningless. I feel worthless. I don't take that much from the world but I guess I dont give that much back either. I dont think I even can. I dont even know who my friends are anymore. No one ever calls me anymore. Oh wait, yes they do, when they're looking for someone else. I dont know, I feel really invisible. I feel like I'm trying to hard to be liked. Sure they say they like me and they're kind to my face, but I'm always with someone else. Myself as an individual is not enough to merit worthiness. I dont know wether it's me or them or what. However, seeing as the vast majority of people don't like me I guess it's me. It sucks even more because normally I'd just be like, "fuck you all, I have my friends, think what you want" but I dont even know if I have friends anymore. If I see them it's because I make the effort to hook up. My efforts seem so meaningless because they're never noticed or reciprocated. Staying alive and happy is requiring a lot of effort as of late. My efforts are meaningless. This life is meaningless. I, am meaningless.
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