Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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OMFG. I would give my left kidney for a Q-tip right now. I have an itch in my ear and it won't go away and I can't get to it and it's driving me insane!

And it keeps getting worse! Why me, O God?

Speaking of "Why God?" ...

EEEEEEEWWWWWW! I don't even know what I would do in that situation. I imagine it would follow a format similar to:

The following scenario assumes one was seated on the john when the TP was annexed by the arachnid.
  1. Scream like a horror-movie actress.
  2. Excrete some form of waste matter out of fear instead of necessity.
  3. Grab bottle of shampoo from shower tower.
  4. Attempt to smash spider, which would of course roll off the back of the TP and scuttle aggressively toward me.
  5. Leap into shower stall.
  6. Trip on downed trousers.
  7. Hit head on tub faucet.
  8. Pass out.
  9. Wake up with spider on face, having been attracted to the scent of blood.
  10. Die of fright.

Yep. That sounds about right.

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Tags: eek!, halp!
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