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A moment of honesty...

I love my job. I really do. It's ridiculous and I'm so lucky, but every Tuesday night I get so lonely.

The hours aren't hard for me, it's just the social kill on Monday-Wednesday that gets me. I'm used to seeing the people I care about daily.

On Monday-Wednesday I don't really see anyone unless I sneak into Mike's house after my shift and cuddle up with him. Even then, it's only a 10-minute chat in the morning before he's off to work a 9-5 like the rest of the planet. Don't get me wrong, the cuddling is lovely... and it's my choice to not do that this week, but even with it I still feel lonely.

Before I took this job, I was working at Fidelity and I saw him and Faith every day.

Sometimes I don't see Faith for over a week. Faith is family, and I only see her once or twice and it's usually in passing. We still talk, but it's so intangible. I need something more visceral, more tactile.

The rest of my friends I hardly see. I have Thursday and Friday off, but I work the weekends so it limits what I can do. Every now and again I can grab a lunch with someone, but it's typically not on these long Mon-Wed nights.

So I end up feeling lonely, and I stare at my phone wishing for texts or phone calls, and then I end up beating myself up for being needy. I'm trying to train myself to be more independent, but it's hard. I'm a very social person, and flying solo for three days in a row gets pretty daunting at 9:30 on a Tuesday.

Is that pathetic?

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Jun. 19th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
Eeek! Didn't mean to paint a bleak picture for your relationship. Don't worry, my ex was a man who didn't know what he wanted, so he probably would've found an excuse to dump me even if I had a "normal" schedule.

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