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A moment of honesty...

I love my job. I really do. It's ridiculous and I'm so lucky, but every Tuesday night I get so lonely.

The hours aren't hard for me, it's just the social kill on Monday-Wednesday that gets me. I'm used to seeing the people I care about daily.

On Monday-Wednesday I don't really see anyone unless I sneak into Mike's house after my shift and cuddle up with him. Even then, it's only a 10-minute chat in the morning before he's off to work a 9-5 like the rest of the planet. Don't get me wrong, the cuddling is lovely... and it's my choice to not do that this week, but even with it I still feel lonely.

Before I took this job, I was working at Fidelity and I saw him and Faith every day.

Sometimes I don't see Faith for over a week. Faith is family, and I only see her once or twice and it's usually in passing. We still talk, but it's so intangible. I need something more visceral, more tactile.

The rest of my friends I hardly see. I have Thursday and Friday off, but I work the weekends so it limits what I can do. Every now and again I can grab a lunch with someone, but it's typically not on these long Mon-Wed nights.

So I end up feeling lonely, and I stare at my phone wishing for texts or phone calls, and then I end up beating myself up for being needy. I'm trying to train myself to be more independent, but it's hard. I'm a very social person, and flying solo for three days in a row gets pretty daunting at 9:30 on a Tuesday.

Is that pathetic?

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( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:00 am (UTC)
I don't think it's pathetic. Everyone gets lonely. I'm pretty sure I'll feel the same way if I was in your position. Do you call or text anyone or just wait for them to do so?

Jun. 18th, 2008 04:17 am (UTC)
I instigate after awhile because I think it's silly to wait if you really want to talk to someone and have something to say.

I just don't really have patience. Occasionally people text me and then I get really happy... but it's normally me texting someone. But I try to keep it to a minimum because I am at work.

And honestly, I don't typically text/call incessantly/dedicatedly when they're at work because hey! They're at work! So I don't really expect them to text or call when I'm on the clock either. I just end up wishing they would. =/

Edited at 2008-06-18 04:18 am (UTC)
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:36 am (UTC)
Yeah I'm the same way so that's why I asked.

How about people at your job? Anyone worth talking to?
Jun. 18th, 2008 04:50 am (UTC)
Well, there's one guy but he's almost always busy because he's handling proof for over 70 stations, so I feel bad bugging him.

We chat every now and again. But usually it's just me and the tee vee and my books.
Jun. 19th, 2008 01:34 am (UTC)
:( I know how you feel! When I was working at the Tribune, I had the undesirable 4:30 p.m. to 12:30 a.m. shift. I felt like a social pariah (my ex dumped me because of my unavailability, for example.) Hang in there! After you're there for a while, see if maybe you can switch up your schedule. No young person should be denied company just because she has to pay the bills!
Jun. 19th, 2008 02:22 am (UTC)
OMFG. I wish you didn't tell me about about the ex dumping thing... :(

Honestly, I don't have anything to worry about. Mike and I are solid, I feel... but that doesn't mean I don't occasionally despair over these three days.

The good news is that people move around in this company pretty quick. I'm already looking for ways to move around.
Jun. 19th, 2008 05:21 pm (UTC)
Eeek! Didn't mean to paint a bleak picture for your relationship. Don't worry, my ex was a man who didn't know what he wanted, so he probably would've found an excuse to dump me even if I had a "normal" schedule.
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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