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it's better this way...

What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage? Not so much rage as solitary depression. Luck has not been beside me today. I was late for work, and upon a great misfortune I have had a terrible amount of work thanks to the efforts, lack thereof rather, of my co-workers. However, the weather is incredibly befriending seeing as misery so does enjoy company. It started storming awhile ago. The storming inside me started yesterday. I dont know how to let her go. Deeper than I'm shaken by the violence of existing, I'm now feeling the emptiness. I know I can't be with her. I know I can't be with Ian and that is my only, and most desperate desire.

The weather rages outside. The lightning is fierce. The sheer volume of the thunder is slightly unsettling but the force pushing i feel pushing me is even more so. I watched this storm come on. I was intruiged at first by the dust takinging over the road. I thought perhaps a small tornado had started. Then I watched the sky darken and the rain, like a wall wash over the town. I saw few bolts of lightening and continued to watch the rain progress toward me and my window. It was so heavy I could barely see what was behind it. Then the drops hit my window pane. I could hear them but I was more interested in watching them.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Collect. Fall. Fall. Fall. Drip. Drip. Join. Fall. They reminded me of my own tears. And then a drop hits the stream and is pulled down along with it. That drop reminded me of myself. Falling and unable to stop itself. Wind. Throwing waves of rain across the road and into the glass, wiping clean all the tearstreaks and droplets so that the cycle could start all over again. I noticed the 4 foot river pouring from the gutter into the street. The lights flicker and go out. Then, from the top of the window, it starts raining on me. Centered just on me. I start to cry.

darkness, I feel like letting go.

Comments

( 10 comments — Leave a comment )
emotionallyworn
Aug. 21st, 2002 07:28 pm (UTC)
I LUFF YOU OH SO VERY MUCH ;o) BE STRONG HUNNIE AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP <3
virtuistic
Aug. 21st, 2002 08:09 pm (UTC)
Re:
i'll twy. i promise. I have to go back to school for band tomorrow though. It's going to be really unsettling.
emotionallyworn
Aug. 21st, 2002 09:59 pm (UTC)
School sucks, tis the work of the devil I swear! =o]]] I don't start school till the 4th HEHE
virtuistic
Aug. 22nd, 2002 04:54 am (UTC)
Re:
lol. yeah, it isn't school school. It's just band camp. And I'm a senior and the first chair trumpet and I plan on using my wisdom teeth as an excuse to not play and just goof of whilst scaring the piss out of the freshman. >=]
emotionallyworn
Aug. 22nd, 2002 10:58 am (UTC)
Hah, Meanie. But if it takes place at a school or is associated with school, tis the work of the devil. What a shame haha =o]] <3
virtuistic
Aug. 22nd, 2002 08:43 pm (UTC)
Re:
hah, it was alright. I didn't do a damn thing. I just jumped in puddles and scared the hell out of the little kids. Not to mention drenched a girl I totally dislike. Then we went and dyed my best friend's boyfriend's hair blue! HOOWAHHH!
emotionallyworn
Aug. 27th, 2002 08:03 am (UTC)
I miss you =o/ I hope you're doing okay I love you
virtuistic
Aug. 27th, 2002 01:56 pm (UTC)
Re:
awww. i miss you too and i hope things are improving... *muah* i wuv woo too snoogy woogy wips!!!!
emotionallyworn
Aug. 28th, 2002 08:33 am (UTC)
YOU'RE A WEIRDOOOO HAHA JK <3
virtuistic
Aug. 28th, 2002 10:44 am (UTC)
Re:
i'm not weird i'm just difficult to understand. =]
( 10 comments — Leave a comment )

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