Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex
virtuistic

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it's better this way...

What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage? Not so much rage as solitary depression. Luck has not been beside me today. I was late for work, and upon a great misfortune I have had a terrible amount of work thanks to the efforts, lack thereof rather, of my co-workers. However, the weather is incredibly befriending seeing as misery so does enjoy company. It started storming awhile ago. The storming inside me started yesterday. I dont know how to let her go. Deeper than I'm shaken by the violence of existing, I'm now feeling the emptiness. I know I can't be with her. I know I can't be with Ian and that is my only, and most desperate desire.

The weather rages outside. The lightning is fierce. The sheer volume of the thunder is slightly unsettling but the force pushing i feel pushing me is even more so. I watched this storm come on. I was intruiged at first by the dust takinging over the road. I thought perhaps a small tornado had started. Then I watched the sky darken and the rain, like a wall wash over the town. I saw few bolts of lightening and continued to watch the rain progress toward me and my window. It was so heavy I could barely see what was behind it. Then the drops hit my window pane. I could hear them but I was more interested in watching them.

Drip. Drip. Drip. Collect. Fall. Fall. Fall. Drip. Drip. Join. Fall. They reminded me of my own tears. And then a drop hits the stream and is pulled down along with it. That drop reminded me of myself. Falling and unable to stop itself. Wind. Throwing waves of rain across the road and into the glass, wiping clean all the tearstreaks and droplets so that the cycle could start all over again. I noticed the 4 foot river pouring from the gutter into the street. The lights flicker and go out. Then, from the top of the window, it starts raining on me. Centered just on me. I start to cry.

darkness, I feel like letting go.
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