4. Happy Feet
... What the hell? How did something like this even happen? How do you pitch a film like this?
Well, so you see we have a group of Emperor penguins, and they sing their heart-song to find a mate. And there's this one penguin who can't sing 'cause his daddy dropped him on his head when he was just an egg, but he can tap-dance somethin' fierce. Of course, he's banished and then he tries to win everyone's confidence back by making the humans/aliens stop taking their fish. Now, the rest of the culture believes that fish come from this penguin nebula that the Emperor penguins worship as a God. God angry = no fish. That's what the mass culture believes. Anyway, the awkward adolescent tap-dancing penguin seeks out humans/aliens, is caught, and finds out they don't understand penguin-talk, but they understand--or at least are interested in--tap dancing! Tap dancing saves everything! Oh, and we'll also touch on the terrors of intolerance and the fear of immigrants, outsiders, and change; blind faith; we'll have an undercurrent of a love story and we'll have about 7 arbitrary accents. We could get Robin Williams, Nicole Kidman, Hugo Weaving, and Elijah Wood. It'd be great.
At which point I would ask George Miller what the hell he was on. It's very cute, don't get me wrong. It's pretty, if nothing else, but there is so much going on. It started out as the audiophile's dream. Where else could you see penguins singing Prince tunes and "hippity"-hopping to Grand Master Flash? But then it stopped being musically bizarre and dived into too many topics without enough depth into anything. I can't figure out what the film was actually trying to say. There were too many attempted morals. What were the justifications for the director's choices? Why were the hoppers Hispanic? Are they a little further south than the "Emperors?" Is it a comment on America's current ... whatever? Or is it just an excuse for Robin Williams to be hilarious while saying "joo" for "you"? Why was Tom Jones/Barry White chillin' on the Latino-burg? I can't really digest any of it, and it never gripped me. I'm really glad I didn't pay money to see this.
Seriously. What did he just say to us?