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Today at work was so fackin' boring. After 4:30 I didn't see a single person. I was so bored. Carmen came to visit me, Toosh wanted to but couldn't get a ride so instead we played e-mail tag all day. I wish I could see her, I miss her a lot. I miss all my Deerfield friends. I need a hug from my guys. I need Ian to call.

I'm lonely now and I don't know how to get it back to good.

I miss Ian. I haven't talked to him in two days and I could really do well to hear his voice. Especially in lue of recent happenings. I've found that I can't even cry anymore. I barely even feel, it's like i'm watching my life instead of living it. Like it's all just a bad dream I'll wake up from. I really wish it was. Plus I feel fackin' retarded because all of the times I wanted to call Ian in the past two days that I didn't because I thought he was gone, he was home. I wonder why he didn't call me. =[ I really needed to talk to him.

I fackin' hate being grounded.

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