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I want to die.

I hate feeling so alone. All my friends are out having fun and I'm stuck here because my parents are stupid paranoid freaks. My friends dont call me anymore either. I always have to call them. I had a fun day today and jon, matt, chris, shane, tosha, casey, bill, phil, and mike were all going to come over and have a big bonfire at my house and my rent's freaked out at the last minute. My mom decided she wanted to change into her pajamas and have "her house to herself for a change" even though no one has fucking been here over the last week. So I had to be the stupid dork that calls everyone and is like, I can't because my mom is having a piss fit! Now I feel really alone. Not to mention really sick. I passed out today from minor heat stroke and I still dont feel well. I want to run away, up to Ian. I dont know how I can though, I feel so helpless. I have nowhere to turn, nowhere to run, and no time. I have all the bottles here in front of me, and there's only one thing that keeps me from lining up the pills. This is it.

I got Ian's letter today. Along with three pictures from different points in his life. A really cute picture of him when he was 2 y/o in a blue bathrobe with matching slippers and caption "I'm so adorable!", a picture of him when he was on the hockey team, and a picture from last year's christmas with him sitting on santa's lap laughing. Little caption on the back says, "Santa's EVIL I say! EVIL!!!"! How cute! Not nearly as sweet as the letter though.

Hey!

I Love you! I miss you so much!
I'm just sitting here at 3:15 AM bored as
usual. I'm sorry about my writing, it has
been a long time since I've written anything,
you know. I hope you like the pictures I sent you.
"Aren't I so adorable!" I love you so=>so>soo much.
I feel so alone and depressed when I'm not
with you. I wish I could just hold you in my
arms and fall asleep. I miss you! I keep dreaming
of that beautiful trail you took me through it was so
romantic. "sigh" :( I wish we could be together right
now. I love you so much! Don't ever leave me ok!
I want to marry you! You're so right for me. I've
never felt this way about anyone before. I guess
that means you're the one. I'm so glad I met you.
Well I guess I should get going to bed now.
I love you!

All my love,
Ian.

I love him. I really do. I wish I could talk to him right now. However, it's 10:30 and he wont be home until 12:30 and with the way I feel right now... I dont want to wait two hours. I dont even know if I can.

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