Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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this day was shite.

I can't believe it. After a week and two days, now I lose it. I just broke down crying I miss him so much. The seperation is almost unbearable and it's tearing me apart. Right now all I want is just to hear his voice again and prove it hasn't all been a dream. This distance is maddening. I just want to be able to cuddle up with him again, to hug him, to have him hold me, have him kiss my nose and give me eskimo kisses, play our song and sing it together. On top of it, I feel like complete and total shite anyway because of my stupid allergies and I'm exhausted anyway because I put in a 7 hour day on 4 hours of sleep and my mom's had me doing house chores since I got home. It was alright earlier though because I could talk to him. Now I've lost control and I'm in tears and I need him to put me right and he isn't home. I'm falling apart and I dont know how much longer I'll be sane. I keep 40 dollars hidden in my room simply because I know that 40 dollars gas in my mom's car will get me to Canada. I'm too afraid to use it. I dont want to lose the possibility of him coming down here again, or the chance for him to go to school down here. Still, delayed gratification is so hard to practice when you're being driven mad now. There are four things I know.

1.) I love him.
2.) My sanity is fleeting.
3.) I want to be with him, now.
4.) I can't stop myself from crying anymore.

I miss the way he used to wipe away my tears.
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