Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex
virtuistic

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My brain takes the magic out of it...

Okay, so I'm watching Chamber of Secrets, right? Well... sort of. I'm not really paying attention because I'm working on a few things, but that's not the point. Anyway, I look up, and I see the part about Tom Riddle's diary, and a few things popped into my head.

  1. Voldemort has been around for a long time at this point. Surely we know that he is Tom Riddle. Surely, everyone in the wizarding world knows that Voldemort is just a scary moniker. Right? Part of me is willing to accept that because what he did was so disastrous, and people won't even speak his name, that the younger generation might only know him as the bad, bad man that scares the everliving, magical feces out of their parents... but really? Really?
  2. The Chamber of Secrets was open 50 years ago? Really? Something about this math upsets me greatly. Is it canon? I don't have time to look it up and it's been 8 million years since I've read Chamber, but I thought early in the movie they said "30 years" ago. Anyway, 50 years means that the students who lived during the first opening are still around, possibly parents of these kids... so um, what?
  3. Furthermore, didn't Draco say his Dad was at school last time? Even if Draco's father was a first year, that means he was eleven 50 years ago. Does Luscious Lucius look 61 or older? Did he seriously father a child in his 50s? I sure as hell don't think Narcissa did.
  4. Also, if Voldemort was celebrating his sweet sixteen 50 years ago, then he's a feckin geezer now. And granted, he's been a fine, rejuvenating mist for a good decade or more, but even if you subtract those years he's pushin' 60 and therefore distictly un-frightening. No one is afraid of a geriatric. Maybe I'm an ignorant fool, but my Voldemort is still young and spry in his mid to late 40s. Seriously. "Over 50" is code for "feeble and practically harmless." For over 60, get rid of the practically and exchange feeble for fragile.
  5. So if Dumbledore was a professor 50 years ago, and he looks about 45 then, is he pushing 100 and we totally acknowledge this? Are we down with that?
  6. I REALLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THIS 50-YEARS-AGO BUSINESS. I am also unwilling to suspend my disbelief.


Am I the only one? What do you guys think?

ETA: The "Who's Your Daddy? - Hagrid!" thing at the end of this movie still makes me want to stab myself in the throat. What the hell did he do that he deserves a standing ovation from the entire school? Why does Hermione cry now that he's back from Azkaban. I wasn't aware that any of Hogwarts gave half a damn about Hagrid except for the trio. UGH.

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