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get me the hell out of here.

i have no idea what color this is...i just hope it isnt gross. well...prom was yesterday and i could beat Chris and Carmen...i swear...i did not know two people could be so incredibly rude. and just...gross too. Hanging all over each other.... yuck. anyway, our prom was super lame. the decorations sucked, the music sucked, other peoples' dresses were really terrible. However....Deerfield's prom was really cool. even though their theme sucked...they're decorations were cool...their dj...and i think i actually have more friends over there than i do here. which is really sad. i wrote a poem about jon at like 4 am.

When I look at you, I see a smile that holds what I desire.
A look so sweet, skin so soft, eyes of enigmatic fire.
The sound of your voice hits my ears and travels to my heart.
In the end, I knew I'd never finish. For you never let me start.

speaking of jon, he was prom king. and i didnt get to see him in a tux. I really wanted to too. He doesnt dress up for anything, let alone wear a tux and he's attractive enough in grunge-wear. i really wanted to have a dance with him. See his reaction to my dress and fucked up hair. But, i dont think he really cares about me like he did once upon a time. and i guess it doesnt really matter, because i do really love ian. i just am so sick of all the distance. `sigh.

Anyway...Deerfield's prom was really cool. Caitlin freaked out when she saw me, gave me a huge hug and whatnot. She also payed me a dollar to dance with Mr. Petersen. hah...i'm rich. All my soccer girlies were glad to see me...we danced the night away and it was sooo much fun. I got asked to dance by 3 guys there too...it kind of weirded me out but i was flattered. I came up to say hi to jenkie and her boyfriend gave me a really weird look so i just turned to him and said, "Hi, I'm a retard!" and went back to talking to her. then i was asked to dance by jon's friend Corey that i met at the hotel the night before. Oh yeah... speaking of that night...

It sucked! =D </font></font>

yeah...I was hoping I'd be able to goof around for a night with jon, just like the good'ol week and a half ago. plus hang with jessi and erica and caitlin and of course holly and sarah and alyssa - who was obsessed with the idea of buying a porno. not to mention that she had some uh... stuff. then jon found out, and i got really sick cuz of the stupid salad at perkins and i ended up throwing up like 5 times. I mean, sure it was fun as in the fact that we went there so we could sleep and be more rested cuz we didnt wanna get up at 4...but we didnt go to sleep until 2:30 am anyway...and watching the boys play Grand Theft Auto 3 was pretty darn entertaining. until i got sick. and then i got depressed. i miss jon. a lot. i dont really hear from him anymore. then again, he picked up on his bad habits again. he probably doesnt have time for a stupid little goody-two-shoes like me. but, i really miss him. he made me feel so understood and safe, the first one of my friends that could really relate to me. and i felt like i could tell him anything. now, i dont feel like i can talk to anybody. i'm just locked inside my own head, and it's maddening. i'm kind of afraid i'm gonna get me.

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