wow. i cannot believe how much today has royally sucked. perhaps because of all the piece of shit memories attacking me. perhaps because of me being ditched....again. *sigh*
as you all are probably well aware, today is 4/20. woo hoo. yay. maybe for jon yay, for me no. i specifically remember asking my friends to not let me be alone on this day for a few very specific reasons. lessee... 1.) i really dont want to be ditched again. 2.) I have way to many memories and i'd be all depressed like i am now. I guess...some memories just refuse to die. I miss Amanda. and Ryan. i miss them so much. i cant stop crying. hard to believe it's been 3 years for her. only one for ryan. life is so cruel. maybe it's my paranoia, but i'm afraid something is going to happen to jon. i just have a bad feeling in my stomach, but then again it could be the memories again. but he's so gung-ho for it all. i dont think he cares though, i dont even think he wants me to be his friend. sigh i'm demented.
i dont really have much else to say besides, Amanda, i miss you. and Ryan, i'm sorry i wasnt there when you needed me most. i love you both, i'll always remember you.