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god dammit all

i feel like fucking shit. i look like fucking shit. i hate today. i hate the fucking talent show. i hate prom. i hate this weekend. i hate next week and i hate next weekend even more. i hate tomorrow. i hate myself. i feel so....

ugly.

i'm giving up chocolate. i'm never eating it again. make me fucking break out or something. i hate my parents. they're too bastardly cheap to use the air conditioning that we have available to us so our house is so fucking humid i've been having athsma attacks every single freaking night and i wake up practically in a dew. My face has these stupid little ugly zits breaking out fucking everywhere and i just want to hide. why is it that all these other girls can cope with summer and seasonal changes and i'm just so fucking fucked up?!

i want to disappear.


oh! another thing i'd like to do, is lets see... um die? i'm sick of trying to get ian down here. i've tried so hard, and it's possible now, hopefully might even happen but i'm sick of getting my hopes up for nothing too. i'm also sick of people talking about other people. stupid fucking rumors everywhere. and i'm really fucking sick of people that just give up and let other people tell them what to do, especially when i was really starting to like that person and now i dont even know who they fucking are anymore. i'm just so sick of it all. i want a face wipe. i want a vacation. i want to cry

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
diztressed
Apr. 19th, 2002 08:12 pm (UTC)
Sorry to hear about that. = / I'd like to say that you get used to feeling like crap every single frockin' day...but if I did say that it'd be a lie.
I can't really sympathize with the asthma thing. I don't have it and I'm happy. I am the home of several annoying body dysfunctionalities, however. And they do suck. And they make you feel like poo. So...I'm sorry about that.
If there's one thing I have learned in my 17 years of life it's that guys suck. Even without trying. They suck. They suck in so many different ways it's stunning the degree of suckiness which they represent.
Love you.
virtuistic
Apr. 20th, 2002 12:45 pm (UTC)
Re:
yes yes. guys do suck. and so do i. i fucking hate me. second day in a row i feel like hell. and once again, every single one of my friends has just fucking ditched out. and... fuck.
diztressed
Apr. 20th, 2002 07:00 pm (UTC)
I'm really sorry you're going through crap right now. I'm always here. E-mail me or something.
The fact that most people go through something like this at least once in their life doesn't make it any easier and I hate it when people try to tell me to buck up...it could be worse...yadda, yadda, yadda. What you're feeling is what you feel. There's no stopping it. Everyone has their own tragedies. Doesn't matter who you are or what your trama is. For you it's the worse thing ever. Don't ever let anyone try to undermind your pain. Those aren't your friends. Your friends are the ones who will listen.
Love you much.
virtuistic
Apr. 21st, 2002 03:25 pm (UTC)
dude...
thank you for being the only person that understands that. my parents are all, "you think you have it so rough!" and they always assume the reason i'm upset is because of the stupid prom. it's so obnoxious. I mean, yeah it has me down cuz i really want ian down here but i dont think it'll be able to happen. Then my mom gets all stupid and gives me like 6 names that i could ask and they all have dates and i've told her that 1,473,281,473,129,877 times and it still doesnt sink in. *rolls eyes*
diztressed
Apr. 21st, 2002 04:04 pm (UTC)
Re: dude...
I'm going stag and I'm going to love it. = )
virtuistic
Apr. 22nd, 2002 06:17 pm (UTC)
Re: dude...
i dont know, i cant do that. i hate the whole idea of prom. and man, going to prom stag when my class is so...'who's with who' and 'who couldn't get a date' and 'who shouldn't even bother coming' and 'who's a joke' and all the other nice bullshit. i think i'd end up hurting someone. probably myself. =/
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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