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i fuckin hate valentines day.

it's so disgusting. once again, i ended up balling my eyes out and and you know the blink 182 song... "She's a dove, she's a fuckin nightmare"? yeah well thats me except its "She's so dumb! She's a fuckin retard!". Valentines day is such crap. It's all fake, capitolistic bastards...I HATE YOU ALL! Do you know how many flowers had to give their lives so some husband that didnt really wanna spend the money anyway wouldnt be in the doghouse?? Man, if a guy got me flowers anyway - which he shouldnt (but wouldnt anyway so it doesnt really MATTER!) i'd want them in November! or January, or August or some other obscure month with no lovey dovey crap.

this is what i think.

And i'm so stupid because i still got jon something and fuck me if i didnt hear Be Like That on the radio last night for the first time since ian and i broke up. Not something i was preparted to handle. I balled for over two hours. Chris was a dick to me, i dont think it's really his fault though cuz i dont think he really knew how bad of a mood i was in and i think he's kind of oblivious to how harsh he can be sometimes. then again...what boy isnt?

I need a hug.

i dont know, i'm so demented. i was pissed yesterday anyway cuz mrs. apold required us to wear some form of red and i had the best black outfit planned out. black... tis tradition with me cuz i'm such a bitter, bitchy humbug. Then i had to do a singing valentine over in deerfield and i saw jon and i gave him a little valentine in front of all of his friends and i dont know if the way he reacted was because he was shocked to see me there or if it was because he lives a double life. Friend life and then Band and everything else life. I really hope that isnt the case. i hope he checks his bloody e-mail.

Fuck You St. Valentine, You Bastard.
your mom's a whore.
now i'm gonna go back to playing computer games. cuz i'm fuckin lame.

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