Music:Hanging By a Moment - Lifehouse // Drops of Jupiter - Trane
lonely expanded obession
once again, jez the insomniac. i am incapable of attaining sleep. it just isnt possible. this isnt fear, this is preoccupation. to distracted, mind too busy to sleep. I can feel him. I know he's there but this waiting is intolerable. I believe i'm actually suffering from withdrawl. The promises we made, the things he promised we'd do, the face, the eyes, his voice, the memories just all that weaves into creating who he is. Distracts me to the point of keeping me awake at night. I wish i could tell him, i wish i could just talk to him. just to hear him laugh. just hearing him breathe would suffice. Journal i am afraid that perhaps in this instance you may not be able to offer me any assistance in dealing with this, because to make it better i'd have to express this feeling. I cant even begin, webster hasnt defined the word i need, and a human word wouldnt do justice. seeing as this feeling simply refuses to stop growing exponentially. what i wouldnt give...if only i could. Maybe if somehow he could know, every minute, every thought is composed, in some way or form, around him. The whole world can know.! The thoughts give me butterflies let alone seeing him gives me chills which makes me sound so shallow. answer is simple....call tomorrow....once again find that he still hasnt contacted? most likely, i wish i could just be with him. close my eyes and just go where i need to be. No one understands this embedded urgency. No one believes forever is practical to vest my hopes in. Come to think of it, no one gives us credit and insists ld relationships wont work. Then why is this so strong and unrelenting? I can feel his thoughts, i know he is sleeping, i can see his dreams. I dont know how, i just do. No doubt in my mind. Happily ever after exists, i just have to deal with this to get to it. >> its all i ever wanted >> to make real my reverie >> to find it all >> finally be happy >> escape to my place >> finally be at peace >> with that familiar face >> finally - prince charming arrived << "now in dreams we run away"