Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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Doe: A deer. A female deer.

So we just got back from seeing Stick It, and on our way home we saw a deer crossing Hennepin Avenue in Uptown Minneapolis. What the fuck?! This is a big city, and Uptown - while very green, isn't exactly a forest. What the hell is a white-tail deer doing here? Where does it live? How did it get here without being brutally massacred on one of the many treacherous freeways? I would've thought it was a hallucination if Faith and Sandy hadn't seen it too. It still hasn't quite sunk in. Wow.

Anyway, Stick It. It's another one to put in the "So Bad It's Actually Kind of Good" category. It's amusing and there are some reeeally awesome bits. But the plot? WTF, mate?

Stick it! ... to the gymnastics judges? For real.

This director/writer is really good at the whole, "Hey! I'm gonna make a bad movie, and it's gonna be really funny and enjoyable!" thing. See Bring It On for further details. Both of these movies are so bad they're good. I don't understand it, but I digress.

She also seems to have a fetish for the "bad girl gymnast." Again, refer back to Bring It On. 'Cause we all know Missy was such a rebel, and she was a "hardcore gymnast" and there was "no way jumpin' up and down screamin' 'go team go'" was going to satisfy her... except for the part where it totally did by the end of the flick, and she lost her personality along the way. In this flick, however, Haley is a bad girl through and through. To prove this, they start off the movie by having her bust some mad BMX biker tricks, and then smash through $14,000 worth of window and get sent to Juvie, a.k.a. a goddamn gymnastics academy.

Anyway, she is all sass and rebel, so she wont participate and she snarks at everyone and is all hard 'cause she has to be omg. Around now we learn that she walked out of the World Championships before, thus screwing her teammates and earning the hatred of everyone. Wee! So she adopts an "I don't care!" attitude, develops a fondness for punk music, baggy clothes, camo prints, and a new dangerous sport involving wheels!

Since it's gymanstics or jail she eventually makes a transition into re-loving gymnastics. During this process she gives a lot of inspirational information about how much gymnastics abuses you, but you do it anyway because you're that hardcore! She falls a lot. She works her way back to the top, because otherwise there would be no movie because she has promising, natural talent! She likes to challenge authority! She's creative and ballsy! A rebel! Hooray!

Around this point we get some really lame backstory about how her mom was having an affair with her former coach, and while it's understandable and divorce is totally a serious thing for kids to deal with, it doesn't really have anything else to do with the movie except to remind us that this character wouldn't be the rebel she is if it weren't for the Mommy-and-Daddy issues that caused her to rebel. Honestly, this troubled teenager bit is so tired. Especially in lieu of the ending, it would've been better if she had just walked out because she was that bad ass and really felt like she had a cause to fight for. Oh no, we can't have that though, because maybe then she'd have some depth instead of the superficial view of what the bad-girl leader ends up always being in these movies. Whatever. It's evidently called "the human element" in the biz. I think they should just call it, "lame." Although, "cliche" would work too.

Anyway, the movie ends up being a giant protest of the judging and scoring systems of gymnastics, which is unassailably dumb. I couldn't believe they were really doing it, and part of me still can't. I mean really! One of the best parts of Bring it On was watching the competitions, where they threw these waiflike cheerleaders into the air and actually performed complex routines. In this movie, they "stuck it to the judgmental man" by ... not competing. Instead, the athletes chose a winner, only that person would perform, and would therefore win. Granted, the stuff the winnars did was pretty damn cool, but come on. I did not watch an hour of struggling in order to make it to the ginormous competition just to be left with a giant, resounding "PSYCHE!"

But whatever! Yeah! Rebel girl caused a revolution! She threw up the horns every 7 minutes, just to prove how much of a rebel she is. I just... no. They even used the "Too much rock for one hand" and I ... no. Someone send a message to any and all screenplay writers, don't ever use the horns to establish badassitude. If you must, do it sparingly. Real bad asses don't need to constantly re-affirm their badassitude. It's true, I'd know. *saucy wink*

Really though, it's the most ridiculous premise for a movie ever, but whatever. It's stupid, but it's fun and they show people spray-gluing leotards to the gymnasts' asses. Those shots were essential, I tell you what.

I will say that I'm really glad they didn't have any cheesy, high-school romance. I really expected it from this kind of movie, but I was pleasantly surprised. She just... stays friends with her two best friends who happen to be male and slightly charming. Still, she doesn't magically fall in love with one of them and go on to live happily ever after and make BMX-nastic babies! So, thumbs up there. All in all, I approve. I laughed and I enjoyed, despite what admitting that might do to my reputation.

Whatever. It's fun. I liked it. Especially since I should've been at home doing work. Heh. Tomorrow will most definitely kill me, and I don't care. Wanna know why? 'Cause I'm a rebel, baby!

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Tags: movies, wtf
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