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Mmm.. Top 5 Lists are my favorite food.

I am shamelessly ganking this from minervacat, and I really want to know your answers as well so please, post your list in the comments. Anyway, let's get down to it, shall we?

Top 5 Things You Would Rather Eat Glass Than Ever Do Again

1. Middle school. You could not pay me any sum of money to go through that ever again. It's the most socially and physically awkward time of anyone's life. Puberty is not a pleasant experience under any circumstance, and I think it's cruel that people actually have to interact with one another during this period of one's life. The insecurity is soul crushing. A constant barrage of "why don't I have boobs?", "Why do I still not have boobs when she does?", "Why is that guy covering his crotch with a book?" Oh! And writing notes like this! And the catty hormone induced wankfests! I swear I spent a quarter of my middle school career in the guidance counselor's office listening to someone cry about what someone else said about their make-up, outfit, or goldfish. It was hell on jets.

2. Hear the song 'Santa Baby', especially when sung by 8 year olds. I am not even joking and I have a witness, damn it all. At the freakin' Mall of America there was this all girl choir of about 16 girls that looked between 8 and 12 and they were singing Santa Baby, which is the sluttiest slut song in the entire history of sluttery. Even professional prostitutes blush when they hear this song, it's that bad. If you haven't heard it, don't. It's just a filthy harlot seducing Santa to get more bling. Santa, y'all! Do you know how old the Santa story is? Do you know how much viagra that would take? No. Just... no.

3. Do Laundry. I loathe laundry. It takes forever and it's never done and I always wait until I have absolutely no clean socks left and then I borrow socks from Faith until I have no clean underwear left and then sometimes I'll resort to swimsuit bottoms and when those are gone I'll break down and do the laundry because it's already shameful enough. But at that point, there's a giant mountain of it to conquer and it takes all day in half hour and hour increments and then I have fold things to try to fit it all into my drawers and closet and ... no. Just... no.

4. Work for Stryden! I am not for misleading people in order to get them to come to your job fair, then suckering them into an interview, shattering their hopes, and roping them in to a shitty job that they never wanted in the first place. Then trying to pacify them when their paychecks weren't printed... and then suddenly my hours were cut, the fax machine was taken, my admin account was frozen so I couldn't even do my job. My computer didn't have Word, Powerpoint, or anything. After that my paychecks weren't being printed but I was still expected to come to work. I'm still missing the last check actually. This company is so shady. They changed their phone numbers, headquarters address, and it took me a long time to track them down last week, but I have every intention of taking them to court if I don't get my last paycheck tomorrow.

5. Having the 'I Only Like You as a Friend' Talk. No matter what happens, I always end up feeling like a horrible asshole. I always just try to be honest and stay firm while simultaneously trying to be understanding and kind. Yet, I always leave feeling like a cold, heartless bitch. I get really irritated too when the issue wont be dropped, or when it resurrects. It's a horribly awkward position to be in, and I am never in favor. Eat glass, I say!

:) So! What're yours?

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( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 27th, 2006 03:47 am (UTC)
ohmyGOD. the only good version of "Santa Baby" is by Eartha Kitt. Because she's sexy. And not 8.
Jan. 27th, 2006 05:29 am (UTC)
Yeah. Fucking horrible. And they couldn't even sing and they were DANCING to it too and they had sequins and FEATHER BOAS SEWN ONTO THEIR BOATNECK RED SHIRTS.

Traumatized. That is all.
Jan. 27th, 2006 05:37 am (UTC)
lol, so it would seem
Jan. 27th, 2006 04:24 am (UTC)
okay, middle school? yeah, that would in fact be my number one i think. the notes? HARDCORE! and oh yeah, i will wear my bathing suit mismatches in desperattion to put off the HELL that is laundry. in fact, i have a HUGE pile in my room, that is mocking me!

mmmm my top 5?

1. clearly middle school. where you have to worry who's talking shit behind your back, while youre talking shit about them. and you know they're talking shit because you're talking shit. and then, the horror, they split up the lunch into two periods, and the few friends you kept from elementary school you're split from,and you're forced to appear to have no actual friends, while your friends in the other lunch talk shit about you. while you talk about them. see my point?

2. do things for people, when they say they are going to do them, but they really have no intention of doing them. example: my mum tells people she will make spinache dip for a party. then, once people are gone, she turns around and makes me do it. WTFMATE?!

3. clean dishes by hand. i LOATHE doing dishes. they are much like my laundry. they will sit there until i have no normal dishes, and i'm out of plastic utensils but have people coming over.

4. defend my musical ADD to people. Why is it not possible to like Eminem, Green Day, U2, the Clash, 2pac, The only gay eskimo, and an irish drinking song all on the same mix cd? Honestly, and if i have to defend the fact that I'm whitey mcgee and listening to hip hop to ONE MORE PERSON, i will go mental. IN fact: you don't...wanna fuck with Nini, cause Nini, will fucking kill you!

5. be cheated on. Honestly, I'd eat glass with fucking chopsticks, soy sauce optional, if i would never have to go through those first few seconds of being told your boyfriend cheated on you. that gut wrenching first few minutes of self doubt and confusion are the worst. and it only goes down hill from there.

heh i like this meme, it takes out my annoyances.
Jan. 27th, 2006 05:31 am (UTC)
I totally agree. It's a great way to get angst off your chest. Very therapeutic.

Also, I have a massive pile of laundry that I have to do tomorrow. I can HEAR it cackling from the other room. I am not pleased.
Jan. 27th, 2006 02:43 pm (UTC)
Jan. 27th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)
Elementary/Middle school was an ok time for me. It was the high school that really sucked. But I wouldn't go through it over either. You're absoulutely right about those physical changes in everyone. I wish pubery could just be skipped or something.

Tagged you: http://users.livejournal.com/_candynsweets/19093.html
Jan. 27th, 2006 11:24 pm (UTC)

Yeah. I almost dont want to have kids, just so they dont have to go through it. I am nothing if not humane. ;)
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )

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