Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex
virtuistic

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Also....

Open Letter to the Groundskeeper of my Apartment Building

Hey, Groundskeep!

Stop shoveling the sidewalk at 1:30 in the goddamn morning, plzkthnx. Oh, and if you insinuate that we haven't been picking up after our dog one more time, I am going to cut you.

Sincerely,
Irritated Resident


Open Letter to the Elephants in the Stairwell

Why hello my late-night thudmuffins!

From what I can gather, there are about six of you stampeding through the halls tonight. While I've learned to stop being surprised every time you clambor up the stairwell to the third floor of the building and shake the whole of my apartment in the process, I haven't stopped being annoyed every. single. time. Are you incapable of simply walking like sane human beings? What has the floor ever done to you that you must jump on it so violently? What have the walls ever done to you that you feel the need to collide with them? They are stairs, not mini trampolines. And this is an apartment building, not a jungle gym. If you feel the need to thrash about like animals, kindly move to the Amazon.

Yours,
Noiseless Neighbor by Comparison
Tags: angst, open letters
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