Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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Wizard of Thanksgiving: Turkeys... Turkeys will put them to sleep.

Thanksgiving is a holiday I really think we could do without. I don't mind getting an extended weekend off or anything, but the premise is a little sketchy. Pilgrims and Indians come together to eat, drink, and be merry - for within a hundred years, the Indians shall surely die. I mean, c'mon! It just seems cocky. Plus, who do you really share your feast with? Family. That's it. You don't go out and invite in some random people from your town to celebrate working together toward a better future. No. We stay in our little suburban boxes, with a gigantic stuffed bird in a box, and wait to gorge ourselves on capitalism and tradition with people we are associated with by blood.

Anyway... tangent aside, my mother served Thanksgiving dinner at 1:00 p.m. today. Who does that? My aunt and my grandma are here, and during the meal everyone was watching football. Festive, innit?

There's something about my family too... every single person has their own distinct interests. My aunt is talking about football, my mom is talking about the cooking, my father talks about politics without pausing to breathe, my brother plays it safe and doesn't say anything, while my grandmother constantly talks about cancer, sickness, and death.

Can you imagine this? Because not only are all of these topics so vastly different, but they're all being discussed simultaneously. No one is even trying to listen to one another. It's just a cacophony.

Also, they're eating turkey which is known to cause drowsiness. So now everyone - except me - is clearly going to go zonk out and I'll be sitting here wondering, "Why exactly is this is a family day again?" over a lull of snoring. For real, for half of our dining experience I wanted to stand up, hover over the table and turkey and - in the voice of the Wicked Witch of the West - channel that scene from Wizard of Oz when they're running through the bewitched poppies and say, "Turkeyyyyy! Turkeyyy will put them to sleeeeeeeep!"

I picture a bunch of Butterballs plummeting from the sky and dotting the landscape, an extremely disturbing sedative from the heavens.

I really don't know what to make of being home. It's a mixture of nostalgia, excitement, raging cynicism, disgust, and complete loathing.
Tags: family, rant
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