Also, I'm going to post a discussion entry here for during & after discussions on Wednesday. I'll post it around 9:00 Central Standard time. Everyone is welcome, and spread the word. The more the merrier.
Invasion 1:1 – “Pilot”
So there’s like, a hurricane and shit and naturally, some scientific organization is going to fly a plane through it! Right through the eye, in fact. Sunshine! Meteorological information! Technical mumbo-jumbo that we plebeians can’t understand! They drop…something and apparently all is well and they’ll be in Miami by morning. Suddenly, they are no longer focusing on the dropped something because all is no longer well as they have apparently noticed another something. The eye of the hurricane is… a big orange blob? I’m no meteorologist, but something tells me that ain’t normal. Promptly after we digest the WTF-factor, the orange something um, swallows the plane. It’s like a giant pretty orange fountain of DEATH! … and exposition.
Enter characters! Park Ranger Russell gets to the station. A mother and her son are waiting around for Papa Bear to come meet them despite the raging hurricane on the horizon. Park Ranger Russell, being clever, gives the kid a baby turtle (n’awwww!) instead of a father and the happy family decides that now would be a good time to take shelter. Hurricane, people!
“People are pretty confident they can withstand anything,” posits Larkin who is on TV, filming a patriotic image of a man putting
Russ calls and protectively states that his pretty little pregnant wifelet shouldn’t be covering the hurricane. He, for some reason, doesn’t think that’s “safe.” They keep talking about the necessary hurricane preparations, i.e. making sure everyone is accounted for and all is in order. Evidently the kids are at home with Larkin’s brother Dave, and that Russell’s ex-wifelet Mariel the Medicine Woman isn’t too happy about the fact that her children are not in the company of a blood relative.
The wind carries us from a picture of the kids on Russell’s computer monitor to the actual kids back home. Rose is looking for “Carlita”, and wandering around in the wind of doom. Her big brother Jesse is playing with power tools, and tells her to check the shed because cats are not so much with the liking of water, let alone a hurricane. Dave, the “responsible adult”, is of course looking for beer – as one does in a hurricane. The beer is gone, and Dave is all “then I’m gonna blow this popsicle stand and find some booze. There’s too much blood in my alcohol stream and I do not want to be sober for this.”
Jesse tries to stop him because there’s a raging hurricane on the horizon, and he’ll probably catch hell from Larkin. Dave is not convinced.
Dave: Trust me, when this thing hits, you’ll want beer. By the way, this hurricane was planned by the government.
Suddenly, we find ourselves at the Hospital and Mariel is on the phone, snarking about how Russell is “out picking acorns somewhere” and not with the kids. Evidently, the power has gone out at the hospital because it is dark, so hospital staff is runnin’ around and smooshing people into rooms without windows … because there is a raging hurricane on the horizon. The weather at the moment, however, includes sunshine, wind, and lightning. Hey, I’m just sayin’.
Mariel is eye-flirting with the Sheriff out the window and smiling like a teenager with a rabid crush. They are gooshy and disgusting. A nurse comments that he’s awfully charming today, and asks her what she’s been feeding him.
Us: *gagbarf* Ew, y’all.
Hospital goes into lockdown mode and some big sheet goes over the window. Flirty Sheriff of Indecenton gets into his car, and suddenly it is raining and really dark. Thus, he takes off his sunglasses, looks at the sky, and grins. His head is a funny shape and he is decidedly creepy, therefore an alien. Don’t look at us like that. Weird looking people are always aliens.
Suddenly we’re in front of a school and now it is rainin’ like it ain’t never been rainin’ befo’! There are people with umbrellas, people running around in ponchos, and it is the ultimate exercise in futility because c’mon, hurricane folks. Sheriff Tom is picking up his daughter Kira, and she whines at her father for picking her up in the squad car – because apparently no one knows her father is a cop and that would severely ruin her reputation. *insert eyeroll here*
Sheriff McAlien: What did you learn at school today, honey?
Kira: Just a bunch of pre-hurricane nonsense, like where to hide if your roof caves in but their suggestions totally sucked, like. I mean what family can actually fit in the bathtub with a mattress over them all?
Sheriff McAlien: Oh, the roof won’t cave in.
Kira: How do you know?
Sheriff McAlien: Because the government is behind the hurricane, and I’m in cahoots with the government and they assured me we’d be safe
Russ comes home and he and Jesse start unloading shit from the truck. Larkin, is apparently not back yet. Russ is trying to call out when Dave comes waving beer. Mariel drives up, apparently surprised that Russell is home. Russell simply says, “Yeah, I live here,” which is awesome. Mariel, is apparently just making sure the kids are ok even though there is a raging hurricane in progress and she still has to get home. She goes over to Jesse and fusses about the fact that his hair is wet and asks him if he took his cough medicine and now is so not the time, woman. She asks about Rose, and Russ snarks at Mariel saying that she shouldn’t be there… because she totally shouldn’t. Then they get in a giant argument about trust and overprotection despite the freaking hurricane and OMG ROSE IS MISSING!
Evidently, she was “just here five minutes ago,” but clearly no longer is. Panic ensues. Everyone has gone crazygonuts and is running around in the rain screaming for Rose, bitching at each other, a tree almost falls on Jesse, Russell drives away, Jesse then screams at his mother for always “pushing people away”, and I’m thinkin’ these people are so not emotionally equipped for any of this. Also, they apparently do not believe in helping one another out in lieu of the approaching natural disaster because Jesse shuts Mariel out of the whateverthehell and tells her to go home. Dude, Hurricane!
Suddenly, we see Rose in the middle of the forest, braving the typhoon, and screaming for her cat. I mean, just so you know.
Suddenly, we are back at the ranch. Dave and Jesse are nailing something to something else and Larkin comes home. She opens her door and the wind rips it a new one. They run into the house and are standing in front of giant un-boarded picture windows, and talking about how fast the hurricane came on. *facepalm* For some reason, they don’t see this as a safety hazard and the boys spill the beans about Rusell and Rose being missing when the big picture window smashes in - as they are wont to do in a goddamn hurricane. Honestly, people!
Back to Rose! She is still screaming for Carlita and looks back into the dark, shadowy forest of moist, windy doom. She looks at the sky and sees a bunch of pretty lights floating prettily into the water. Out of nowhere, she slips and falls down a muddy slope into a giant puddle and I’m thinkin’ an alien grabbed her ankle and she’s about to get eaten when Russ pulls her out. He holds her and they wander into the dark foresty abyss – presumably to safety.
Aha! To the truck, where Carlita has been the whole time.
Rose: She must’ve been so scared!
Russell: Screw the cat! Do you have any idea how scared I was?
Rose: Did you see the lights?
They’re driving, power lines are sparking, and how the hell they can drive when they can’t even see out the windshield is beyond me, but suddenly some massive THING smashes the shit out of the windshield and the car rolls over like 8 billion times and the wreckage is lit by lightning and showers of sparks from the friendly-neighborhood downed powerline of exposition lighting.
The hurricane is over, because they’re speedy like that. The truck is officially smooshed and it doesn’t look good. Now is the perfect time to run the introductory credits! Some guys in camo gear come and knock on the truck windows which are miraculously not shattered, while Russell and Rose are miraculously not injured. Rose is also surprisingly un-muddy. Next thing we know, they’re in a massive open-backed truck full of refugees. It drives off and we pull back for a long shot of what a hurricane does to a marshy landscape which is… not much really.
Back on the ranch, they walk in – cat and all – and everything is fine. By some act of God – or aliens – no one has a scratch on them, including Larkin who was standing in front of the giant window when it ‘sploded. Russ and Larkin make out, make sure the baby is ok, and like, whatever, is there beer yet? Everyone is glad to see the cat, for some reason.
Everyone will not be glad for long, however, because Sheriff McAlien drives up, sirens blaring. He drops a shitbomb of guilt on the recently reunited family because Mariel never came home last night. McAlien gets in Jesse’s face, then they all play the blame game, and Kira tries to tell Jesse that it isn’t his fault. He, in turn, goes off on a tangent.
Jesse: She worries so much that she actually makes bad things happen
Uh… right. Well, at that exact moment the cop-wire tells us that they found Mariels car. Russ, McAlien, and Jesse go out to investigate, and Larkin decides to go to work. Dave tells her she should go check out stuff at the Airforce base because “there’s really interesting stuff there” and yeah right like they’ll totally just show it to a journalist, d-bag. Larkin brushes him off, and Rose takes the opportunity to feed Dave’s conspiracy obsession by telling him about the lights in detail and with great abandon.
McAlien, Russ, and Jesse are apparently following Mariel’s hair trail whilst talking about how sturdy the trees are and McAlien ends up making some creepy comment about “survival of the fittest” and dude, he is totally invaded. They march over the floodwater and through the woods to the marshy ground where Mariel is laying face-down and nekkid in the mud. Oh noes!
Flash to Larkin at work, who apparently took Kira with her. Kira goes into some disturbing backstory about how the news helped comfort her when her mom died, and now she wants to be on the news to help others. Puhleez. She goes on to say that TV is important because it distracts people from the illusive bastard known as truth.
Mariel the Medicine Woman is being treated in her happy little hospital, looking strange and vaguely comatose in her wheelchair. She snaps to life and is all, “I want to see my kids NOW.” Oookay, crazy lady. McAlien tells the nurse to buzz off and tries to coerce Mariel into convincing the mayor to order quarantine. Mariel really isn’t in any mental state to do so, but asks “What’s happening to me?” in a really creepy voice that screams “pwned!” in alien-speak. Sheriff McAlien doesn’t answer, but keeps wheeling her to… wherever he’s wheeling her to.
During this madness, Dave has taken Rose out in a hovercraft – which is unassailably cool – to find out where she saw the lights. Rose sees a shiny so Dave goes to fetch it ‘cause the gators totally wouldn’t attack him. The shiny is a metal thingy of sorts which Dave tugs and somehow a skull is attatched and ew, ew, that’s really gross. Rose doesn’t see it, and they hightail it outta there. The camera hovers over the water and we see a mini orange sea-blob of doom where the skull was and now that we’re good and freaked out, commercial!
McAlien is picking up the kids, and it’s pretty clear that Tom and Russ really don’t like each other. Russ is confused about how Mariel could have called Tom last night “as she was leaving” Russ’ house because of the hurricane-messing-with-reception and all. Tom suggests that she used a payphone… because there are loads of payphones in the everglades.
Dave pulls into the shed, gets out of the car, lights an oil lamp, and the camera focuses on the car trunk win an ominous dunnnnnnnn. He doesn’t open it yet though, because we’re all about the delayed suspense and the creepy music here.
Russell is watching a battery powered television, where the news is reporting that the priest has apparently been in the water for 16 hours so he is clearly also an alien. He’s wearing a shiny shock-suit and reporters are bombarding him with questions, to which he responds, “EEP!” Russ comments that he’s seen that petrified stupid-face twice today.
Larkin: Oh, talkin’ bout Mariel?
Russ: *Nod Nod* “Completely disoriented, no clothes… how do you spend all night in a hurricane and not have a mark on you?”
Larkin: Well, all of us had a giant picture window blast in on us, you rolled your truck, and we don’t have a single bruise amongst the lot of us.
Dave: Uh Russ, can I talk to you for a second?
Exeunt Dave and Russell
Dave: I knew there was something weird about this hurricane, and I thought it was the military, but I was wrong.
Russell: Dave, the only thing that’s weird about this hurricane is you.
Dave opens up the trunk and there’s a stanky-ass skeleton in there. Russell tells him to take it to the police but Dave wants his spiky-little alien souvenir. He also wants Russell to go back and investigate Cape Corpse with him like, right now. Uh…
Russ: No aliens, Dave.
Dave: Then what the hell, man?
We see the skeleton, and it is gross. Russ touches it and it is gross! Dave tries to ply Russ’ emotions, and Russ caves like a sissy.
Cut to Childhood Bedroom of Sentimentality, Mariel is putting Rose to bed. Rose says the hook line of the whole series, “Mommy, you smell different.” Mariel freezes, stares down little Rose, and says nothing. Cue the ominous music! Sheriff McAlien is watching them from the door, which is creepy as all get out. Mariel shuts off the lights, and we can see her face in a ghostly ethereal blue light, which she slinks out of
Gah! Now is not the time for scrubbing bubbles! Jesus, I hate commercials.
We come back Cape Corpse and find Dave and Russ, who are discussing the lights whilst driving the hovercraft. They’re discussing the local, a previous plane crash, and Dave tells Russell about the shiny he found earlier. Russ makes some crack about the Martians shooting it down, and then they see the Martians, or at least the infamous orange sea-blob. It pulses and undulates. Russell suggests that it could be a fish, but Dave isn’t buying it because of the glowing and all that. Russell obviouses about bioluminescence and Dave goes to poke it. Russell busts out the tell-tale “I wouldn’t do that,” so you know some shit is goin’ down.
SPLOOM! The water orange-fountains all up over Dave and the water is angry and oddly similar to a freaky orange hot tub. Russ jumps in after Dave and they stay in for far too long. The orange light goes away, but they can’t die in the pilot episode so at the last second they pop up with Dave gasping, “That was no fish!” No shit, Sherlock.
Next day at the Hospital, Larkin is on TV talkin’ about the wrestling match her brother got into with a “gator” last night. Mariel comes in to check on Dave and to deliver some good ‘ol fashioned exposition. Quarantine? Check. Kira and Jesse flirting? Check. Ok, moving on. She makes a comment that it must’ve been a big damn gator that got to Dave. We then hear the scary drum of doom, she goes into slow motion, and mimes “one more” to Sheriff McAlien, who is outside consoling the priest, who has recently been converted to Alienism and is apparently elated about it, judging by the ginormous doped-up smile he aims at Russell. Suddenly, Mariel is kissing McAlien and how the hell did she get out there so fast?
Back at the ranch, Russell goes back for another look at the skeleton. He has apparently developed an immunity to the smell, because he puts his face really close to it.
McAlien and Mariel are back in front of the swamp and he’s mumbling something about the first days being the hardest and baby steps and SO ALIEN! They look lovingly at the swamp that birthed them, the water is shimmering unthreateningly, but the music, the MUSIC!
virtuistic and faithlynn promise to write in chronological order from now on.
This recap brought to you by nicotine.
Copyright © virtuistic 2005