Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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Representin' from the J-Skewl, yo!

First day has been interesting. I've been awake since 6:45 am, and am currently running on about 5 hours of sleep, which makes everything interesting. Work was brief, which is perfect. I thought the 2 hours a day thing would be totally lame... and not worth it. Except for the part that 2 hours, is 20 bucks. Plus, it's early in the morning, so I don't have to deal with anyone! I spent most of the morning venting about the Katrina situation with sbryan. Then, I went to school with the lovely faithlynn, who I have - count 'em - three classes with. This is some of the madness that ensued during our first class. We are so bad. Any shoeboxers that still read this, does this remind you of anyone?

Transcribed from actual notes

Knowledgable One: You need to familiarize yourself with AP style.
M: I'll familiarize myself with your MOM!
F: mean you haven't already? She is disappointed with you.
M: (arrow pointing to "pointed") She is also POINTY!
F: Totally.
bottom of page...madness continues

M: Subscription? I would enjoy it.
F: I would enjoy your mom.
M: You'd do that wouldn't you!
F: Don't we all?
M: No thanks. Incest really isn't my thang.
F: Damn.

M: Behave.
F: *sticks out tongue*
M: This is SERIOUS!
F: (writes) *professional*

Syllabus says:

"...stress will be placed on factual accuracy, news judgement, writing clarity and conciseness, reader interest, news-writing elements, Associated Press style, and writing on deadline."
M: What about objectivity?
F: HAH! Because...why?

Written on the Syllabus next to the F on the Grading scale by yours truly:
"Failing = Suck. Drop out. Kill yourself."

Other Writings:
- Section Fronts of Doom! ...and Grading Criteria.
- I is broked.

Spoken Hilarity

On the proceedure for interviewing
M: *frantic whisper* "I'LL NEVER TALK!"
F: *chokes trying not to laugh aloud*

On the penalties incurred by writing Factual Errors
F: You instantly lose 50 points... and we kill your firstborn.
M: *went into a fit of silent hysterics*

Don't even act like you don't wanna have class with us! We are more than a little terrifying.

In other news, I was almost murdered by a sentence today. I met my Survey of Dramatic Lit. professor about 30 minutes prior to class. I was there early reading Spanking the Donkey and he came in and started playing The Lemon of Pink by the Books, which happens to be an album that I'm mildly infatuated with. I instantly put him on my cool list. The notation is right in front of me. "This guy shamelessly pimps good music. He's cool! That is, until I got the syllabus.

This is a direct quote:

"You might as well come to every class. You've paid for it. And things are going to start sucking pretty quickly if you miss much. Then you're going to feel like coming even less so you'll come less, and you'll do worse, and things will spiral into a never-ending hell until you fail the class and wish in your old age you had just buckled down and gone to the stupid class because after all it was a lot more interesting than the stupid job you've got now, what with the mortgage, the bills, and the amount of work you do now for so little money that would have made your younger self die just thinking about it."

I almost just died copying that without correcting it. I literally felt my brain melt out my ear and I sat, completely numb, for a number of minutes. Later in the lecture, he mentioned that he is "very strict on grammar. Incorrect grammar should be punishable by death." Without being able to stop myself, I mumbled, "What about hypocrisy?" Thankfully, he didn't hear me.

I got my revenge. He gave us a worthless writing assignment, in which he wanted us to describe our standard procedure for writing a paper.
Here is a segment of what I turned in.

"To start, I'll do a bit of research and mark key passages. Afterward, I promptly hide the research materials, roll the facts around in my head for about 5 minutes, and then promptly forget everything that I can. Next, I waver between spilling various and sundry fluids on the research materials and shuffling them to increasingly more obscure locations to facilitate true procrastination via the venue of forgetfulness. Generally, when inevitability catches up with time (roughly 24 hours or less before the due date) I rustle up the research materials, and the passages that have survived will work together to form my "chosen-by-god" thesis. I then sit down and write the entire paper - regardless of length - in or under a feverish four hours."

Yes. I turned that in. There was more, but I can't read the indentations on the other parts of my legal pad.

- Pizza and Beer! Are we the perfect women, or what?
Tags: school, teh flatmate
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