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I want me some Chotox

Open Letter to Cal, and every other Australian.... but mostly Cal.

So I now use Aussie brand Shampoo & Conditioner. I am exploiting your "Fresh Australian Guava" and every single stereotype from your continent, country, and culture, mothafuckas! BWAHAHAHAHA! G'day and kangaroos are currently "Down Under" my roommate's forty dollar shampoo! How does that make you feel? The bottle is literally covered with pictures of kangaroos and promising me an authentic "Aussie 'do". Mind you, the bottle also tells me that the product is manufactured in the United States, and all ingredients also come from the U.S. of A. Therefore, not only am I exploiting your stereotypes, but they're manufacturing your stereotypes in bulk and there is nothing you can do about it. Aaaahahahahaha!!! Welcome to Corporate America, bitches! I am really amused by all of this, and its absurdity. I imagine you would be irritated, perhaps even irate. Outback Steakhouse is totally on the bandwagon, too. What do you think of all this? I really want to know. It might interest you to know that the Aussie products are pretty darn good. My hair is smooth, silky, and very appreciative of your "Fresh Australian Guava" that is distinctly not from Australia. In fact, I'm gonna go get me another dose and see if it doesn't make me want to go find a "beeaauuty" of a crocodile to hunt. Honestly though, I do feel a bit sheepish. A bit like a poser, and an insensitive, culture-less, commercial whore, and I'm sorry. But, returning to the topic at hand, at the core of this entire thing, because I've beat around the bush long enough... the moral of this story is...

Son of a bitch, I hate kangaroos.

Don't you? It would piss me off to no end to be permanently associated with giant marsupials. Especially when the image and stereotype is generated and relentlessly perpetuated by an entirely separate country. Seriously, let me know. Get your friends in on this. Let's have a discussion.


( 21 comments — Leave a comment )
Aug. 10th, 2005 11:21 pm (UTC)
The thing about Australians is we don't really tend to care about many things. I sure as hell am not reaching for the "gives a flying rats assfuck" lever or my bottle of relax-o pills or anything.
Hey roos are okay, just don't go near em coz they're nasty fucks. And koalas are stoned all day so they're like... about as aussie as you can get, maaaaaayte

- cal
Aug. 10th, 2005 11:29 pm (UTC)
Maybe Americans are the only ones that are obsessed with generalities and stereotypes then. I spend half my day trying to break the fuck away from all the labels mainstream society thrusts upon me. 0_o
Aug. 11th, 2005 10:39 am (UTC)
What labels?
I like to play really badly into stereotypes, coz it's funny when people don't know you're doing it :)

"Yeah moite, we got dem kangaroos all over our farmsteads. Since we ain't got yer fancy electricity we goitta build moats to our houses so the damn roos don't kick down the flywire doors and nab ya kids!"

- cal
Aug. 12th, 2005 02:01 pm (UTC)
I've said it before, and I'll say it again.

"Son of a bitch, I hate kangaroos."

;) They're nasty little buggers. At least, they are after your last comment and that RETARDED MOVIE OMG.
Aug. 10th, 2005 11:35 pm (UTC)
P.S. My apartment is infested wth koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever.
Aug. 11th, 2005 12:38 am (UTC)
yo. i'm jamesy. thought it was about time i friended my fellow james. anyways....guh, you hit my soapbox topic. aussies are so annoyed with america in general. not only do we steal their name and market crap that they would never get caught dead using (or drinking. fosters i spit at you) but we also completely saturate australia with OUR crap. not to mention all those no good americans that go there and don't want to leave (............yes my flight to australia DOES leave this saturday)

so. yeah. *clambors of soapbox* that's all. and hi! heee. koalas. i have one named hutchbear, he's his own person. ask siri about him.
Aug. 11th, 2005 10:35 am (UTC)
WTF where in Aus are you coz in Perth no one is more than annoyed at America for being more dramatic than we are used to. I don't know anyone who hates the yanks. The only americans we really dislike is your fucking sailors who come over here and harrass our girls. A lot of them have this "we're the big kids in a country town everyone's gotta love us" idea and are always getting in fights and sleazing all over our girls, some of which are like really too young for them.

Apart from that as far as I knew most of us were pretty apathetic about you guys, like basically "Oh y'know some of them are too dramatic but ehh what ya gonna do"

Whatever. I like you guys!

- cal
Aug. 11th, 2005 02:50 pm (UTC)
i was up in townsville in north queensland. and maybe it was just being a uni town that was how the reaction was. they were swamped with american exchange kids, about half the town was americans. and yeah, most of their annoyance wasn't TO us, just over the way things work. i got really close to some people there, and they're the ones that told me, atleast around there they get really annoyed with things like this. like i said, could be an issue of having so many exchange students at their uni.
Aug. 12th, 2005 02:03 pm (UTC)
We like you too, honey.

At least Faith and I adore you. Particularly when we're rockin' out to your tunes.

.... aaaand then me when I'm daydreaming about having your little Aussie babies.
Aug. 12th, 2005 02:04 pm (UTC)
I think everyone has the capability to be too dramatic. Americans just tend to do it whilst raving about nukes and shit. 0_o
Aug. 11th, 2005 03:45 am (UTC)
No no no. Forget about the kangaroos, nobody cares. The word is "wombat." As someone I don't know and will never meet once said, "Wombat is such a great word. It's got a 'wom' and a 'bat' and an 'omba'."

Yis, precious. Wombats. And they are cute, too.
Aug. 12th, 2005 02:10 pm (UTC)
Completely off-topic, but yes. Cute.
Aug. 12th, 2005 04:23 pm (UTC)
Your mom's pretty off-topic.
Aug. 12th, 2005 04:24 pm (UTC)
It was FUNNY. You were supposed to LAUGH.

*pokes you*
Aug. 12th, 2005 05:14 pm (UTC)
I did! I read it out loud to Miah and I pointed at it.

Is nothing ever good enough for you??? *weeps*
Aug. 12th, 2005 07:32 pm (UTC)
Mwahaha. *ev0l*

Tissue? <333
Aug. 13th, 2005 01:03 am (UTC)
Fuck no! Not today, thank you kindly.

I don't need it. Because I have fresh pasta that I just made... FROM SCRATCH MOTHERFUCKER.

Everything but the stuffed tortellini, because honestly - who has the time for that shit?

But no, sauteed asparagus and mushrooms in a home-made moscarpone sauce with home-made garlic bread. *droooooolCHOMP*
Aug. 13th, 2005 08:36 pm (UTC)
omfg. that is not even fair.

*kills you a little and takes your dinner*
Aug. 13th, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
Get this... tonight, Chad is making BBQ from scratch...

AND bread...from scratch...

Aug. 14th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC)
bitch i will cut you.

go on, make out with your corn on the cob, see if I care.

(alice and i are making chicken stuffed with [made-from-scratch] pesto and sun-dried tomatoes and wrapping it in prosciutto and go ahead, cry, it's okay, you know you want to because you are just. that. jealous.)

*food war*
Aug. 13th, 2005 07:29 pm (UTC)
Hey so this has nothing to do with your lj entry but I thought hey, why the hell not. Lol. So my car completely broke today. In the middle of an intersection in Disney World. Talk about a great first week huh? lol. It really did start out great until the car DIED. Mother fucker. Ha. The best part is it is going to cost like 500 dollars. Booya! I'll give you a call later and leave you my address and phone number here. Peace out.
( 21 comments — Leave a comment )

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