Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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I want me some Chotox

Open Letter to Cal, and every other Australian.... but mostly Cal.

So I now use Aussie brand Shampoo & Conditioner. I am exploiting your "Fresh Australian Guava" and every single stereotype from your continent, country, and culture, mothafuckas! BWAHAHAHAHA! G'day and kangaroos are currently "Down Under" my roommate's forty dollar shampoo! How does that make you feel? The bottle is literally covered with pictures of kangaroos and promising me an authentic "Aussie 'do". Mind you, the bottle also tells me that the product is manufactured in the United States, and all ingredients also come from the U.S. of A. Therefore, not only am I exploiting your stereotypes, but they're manufacturing your stereotypes in bulk and there is nothing you can do about it. Aaaahahahahaha!!! Welcome to Corporate America, bitches! I am really amused by all of this, and its absurdity. I imagine you would be irritated, perhaps even irate. Outback Steakhouse is totally on the bandwagon, too. What do you think of all this? I really want to know. It might interest you to know that the Aussie products are pretty darn good. My hair is smooth, silky, and very appreciative of your "Fresh Australian Guava" that is distinctly not from Australia. In fact, I'm gonna go get me another dose and see if it doesn't make me want to go find a "beeaauuty" of a crocodile to hunt. Honestly though, I do feel a bit sheepish. A bit like a poser, and an insensitive, culture-less, commercial whore, and I'm sorry. But, returning to the topic at hand, at the core of this entire thing, because I've beat around the bush long enough... the moral of this story is...

Son of a bitch, I hate kangaroos.

Don't you? It would piss me off to no end to be permanently associated with giant marsupials. Especially when the image and stereotype is generated and relentlessly perpetuated by an entirely separate country. Seriously, let me know. Get your friends in on this. Let's have a discussion.
Tags: open letters
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