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bleh! school tomorrow and i dont wanna go! i want my freedom dammit! i'm really not looking forward to it at all. back to the massive amounts of homework, back to all of the expectations, back to all of the plastic barbie bitches that i despise that are so important. i want them all to go away. Plus today i'm taking down all the 'festive' crap on my website. it was junk anyway.

Damn the man.

i am so confused by myself too. ugh, i want to make everything go away and yet i dont know how i want things to be or when or why or anything. Talked with ian for a whole whopping minute yesterday. i get the distinct impression that i make him very uncomfortable. how you ask? all he said was "mhm" about 5 times and "hey can i call you back later, i have a friend over.".o0(will you? hmm...we'll see.[wish he actually would]) me being the self-loving person i'm not, i just figure he doesnt wanna talk with me anymore and maybe the friend thiing was just a way of letting me down easier. or he had a girl over and didnt want to tell me. shrug not like i'd be irate or anything, i said friends, and i mean friends. of course i want him back but i dont need it and i dont want to seem desperate, cuz im not, but i really freaking want it. i make no sense. and i cant see myself with anyone else. i'm just a messed up chunkmonger.

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