Damn the man.
i am so confused by myself too. ugh, i want to make everything go away and yet i dont know how i want things to be or when or why or anything. Talked with ian for a whole whopping minute yesterday. i get the distinct impression that i make him very uncomfortable. how you ask? all he said was "mhm" about 5 times and "hey can i call you back later, i have a friend over.".o0(will you? hmm...we'll see.[wish he actually would]) me being the self-loving person i'm not, i just figure he doesnt wanna talk with me anymore and maybe the friend thiing was just a way of letting me down easier. or he had a girl over and didnt want to tell me. shrug not like i'd be irate or anything, i said friends, and i mean friends. of course i want him back but i dont need it and i dont want to seem desperate, cuz im not, but i really freaking want it. i make no sense. and i cant see myself with anyone else. i'm just a messed up chunkmonger.