Thesaurus Rex (virtuistic) wrote,
Thesaurus Rex

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Cilantro is my friend.

WHOROSCOPE: You're at the center of an emotional hurricane. Your barista's liable to start laughing manically; your coworker may get choked up in a meeting. Don't be alarmed when the eye of the storm moves on and you're in it yourself.

... WTF?! 0_o That would only happen if the barista is Aaron, and the coworker slammed their finger with a hammer. Who comes up with this stuff? "Emotional hurricane"?! You're fired, whoroscope.

It appears that I have injured my foot again. Heh... went skateboarding with Damon again and I can start gliding up and down the boxes and ramps and stuff again. Well, before I injured myself I could do the aforementioned. I fell, but that isn't what hurt me. It was the board flying in the air, and then attacking my wounded foot. My only consolations are that this time my injury is the result of some badass activity instead of a lame-ass umbrella dive-bomb of doom, and it gave me a good excuse to stare at Damon shirtless. Heh.

I have been so. effing. tired. I don't know what it is, because we got like 10 hours of sleep. Still, we've done a lot of running around today. Skate park, Needle Doctor to get the Record Player fixed, Pandy's, and then I took a nap for the first time in years. Normally I can't nap successfully, it just makes things worse. I'm really not looking forward to being at work at 7:30 am on Saturday... but hey, money. And Hey, DOGGEH!

I called Emily today to tell her that I'd need to get off, and she suggested that I just come back after we pick up Gucci and finish my shift. I'm glad they're so flexible with me, and that I don't have to wear khaki's tomorrow. Khaki's are the devil. With that in mind, I bring you ...

An Open Letter to Designers of Women's Business Casual

Ok, so I realize that ya'll don't have much to work with. You're confined to the realm of khaki, blacks, navy blues, and ever-so-unfashionable modest neck-lines and skirt-lengths. I know you want to spice things up, and I would love to to be seasoned myself so if you'd be so kind as to give me a complete set of your latest clothing line free of charge that'd be fantastic. because my wardrobe could use a revamp but we need to talk about your priorities. As designers and manufacturers of women's clothing, I think a few well-known truths have become frayed around the edges.

1. You are designing for women.
Not to be confused with prepubescent boys with no hips! It's a biological fact that women curve. That is one of the female's more distinguishing features. Since you are supposed to be designing flattering clothing that a woman would want to wear, bear these curves in mind. Do not ask us to squirm into pants that are too tight around the buttox and far too large around the hips, nor ask us to merely comply with dumpy-butt syndrome where the hips fit, and our ass is allowed enough extra fabric to sail a small ship. Neither should my crotch be in my knees, thank you very much. Granted, I realize that some pants are supposed to extend all the way up to the rib-cage for "slimming" purposes, but stop it. You aren't fooling anyone, and especially not us. It's awkward when you can practically tuck your pants into your bra. You might as well bring back jumpers if that's your idea of style.

Also, "woman" is not to be confused with "boobtastic whore". Yes, we have cleavage. No, we don't necessarily want the entire world to be able to view every last millimeter thereof. This is why corsets have faded into obscurity. Low necklines are alright if undershirts are involved, but this has seriously gotten out of hand. There is nothing wrong with elegance and class. So feel free to ditch the trashy and crass.

2. Form fitting does not mean the garments in question need to be infused with Spandex and/or Lycra.

Say it with me, darts. In the 40s, designers understood this. It is not a lost art. Bottom line, cling = bad. Pantalones should not be a picture frame for pantie-lines. Spandex, as you may or may not have noticed, accentuates the latter and tends not to flatter. Not to mention that they are impossible to wash, due to the contrasting materials. Unless we magically lose 5 pounds every time we do laundry, the whole "stretch" idea isn't going to work. It doesn't stretch, it sucks.

3. No more lace in public.

Leave that in the bedroom. You're taking all the fun out of it. It's not sexy anymore if on any random day I can see 25 women walking down the street in what could very well be their nighties. Plus, for females like me that don't feel particularly inclined to blatantly parade our gender about, the frill, the lace, needs to disappear if you want to get a paycheck from the likes of us.

In short, you're a designer, right? You're innovative, you're fresh. So do your job. Come up with something better before I can't take it anymore and decide take over the industry, plzkthnx.
Tags: open letters, whoroscope
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