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A Collection

Me: "Credit Card Mailings! Confetti for your trash can!"

Grandma Bonietta(No, I'm not joking. That's her real name.)'s Letter: "It sure was nice out side today that I washed clothes and hung them outside." ...yeah. Ow.

faithlynn: "Aba doo! Aba dooba! Frreeowwww. Brrrbrrrbrrrbrrbrrbrr. Rrrr. Rraawwr. *blows raspberry* Wheeeee!! Ooo doo doo! Bitch, I will cut you! Doo doo doo."

faithlynn: "Will you put this back in the fridge for me because you love me to beices and pits?"
Me: "Bwaahhh? Pits?"
faithlynn: And bieces. *proceeds to try to talk with a chopstick clenched between her teeth* Foo eeritphated me so much I pfucked up zha letters. *notices I'm typing this, takes chopstick out* FUCK YOU, BITCH!
-----

I would give background, but not even I am that obscene. I think you'll get the gist pretty quickly...

faithlynn: They're actually discussing this shit in public. And giggling. We should kill them. And steal their sandwiches.
Me: My thoughts EXACTLY. I need a cigarette after that! I was afraid she'd draw an illustration.
faithlynn: omg. She DID...with her WORDS! Scarred for life wtf. Can we say "too much information?" That's like, the DEFINITION of it. They should die a slow death on an overheated radiator.
Me: I was thinking choking. On their sandwich. But that would be a horrible waste of sandwich. Maybe they could choke on the OBJECT that was just under discussion. If they continue, I may vomit.
faithlynn: "I think I just thew up in my mouth a little." ...we could strangle them with the X-mas lights. *helpful*
Me: Bitches & Hos!
faithlynn:...your MOM!
Me: I kinda wanna scream "NEVER HAVE CHILDREN" and follow up with a fierce bout of shifty eyes.
faithlynn: Never have children or say "I love you". To anyone. EVER.
Me: Omg let's leave. Like now. I can't take this.
faithlynn: Ok. Fuck, they're making me stupid!

-fin-
-----
I concur.
*facepalm*
Oh my God, I hate the internet.
Doubtful. Worst WordArt ever.
Check!
Oh I won't. They're fresh out of apostrophes so there's no place for me.
Even Jesus is jealous!
True! Hurrah! May we burn 'er?
Whoever made this is so going to hell.
-----
Oh dear...
Hee! Very scared. Oh I do... trust me.
-----

Snrrrrkkk! Ugh.








...Also, your mom's a whore.

Comments

( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
dragoondefender
Apr. 8th, 2005 01:43 am (UTC)
Wow... Your entries are so elaborate... How much time (and money) and "effort" do you put into these things?

For some reason, I don't get credit cards... I never got any at home, either. I think it was because I went out of state. They cannot track the elusive Alex! HA HA!!!! ... (cough)
virtuistic
Apr. 8th, 2005 01:44 am (UTC)
Heh... not as much as you'd probably think. This one isn't finished yet, though. ;)
virtuistic
Apr. 8th, 2005 02:00 am (UTC)
I take that back. I put a lot of effort into them, but not an insane amount of time. I SWEAR.
worthyopponent
Apr. 8th, 2005 01:56 am (UTC)
*bonkers*
broke_nhearted
Apr. 8th, 2005 02:30 am (UTC)
Your granny is adorable. Can we share?
virtuistic
Apr. 8th, 2005 02:39 am (UTC)
of course. :)

She's a riot. Both of my grandma's are.

It's further magnified by the fact that they're polar opposites, too. HEE.
lightofmine
Apr. 8th, 2005 08:17 am (UTC)
haaaaa hhaaaa I love you both. mwa!*nuzzles you*
( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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