We got back from the movie Closer about an hour and a half ago and holy hell. It made me want to kill myself. 3 cigarettes later, I've finally gotten back to some semblence of sanity, although I'm still feeling somber and extremely pensive. Seriously though, the movie was caustic. It burned me straight to the core and made me feel so completely hopeless and misanthropic. I cannot understand how people can be so twisted, so unequivocally cruel. It hurts my naive idealism. I'd like to believe that people are good, decent, and genuinely want to find happiness without hurting people on the way and this film was a total contradiction that ideology. Is nothing good, righteous, and edible anymore? I feel like the one of the last members of a rare and dying breed.Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if two of the main characters weren't artists. I have this notion that artists are pure, or moreso than other groups of people. Searching for beauty, truth, communication, purity, nirvana, etc.Also with the issue of depression being this form of pure tragic beauty, this glorious sadness. I had an infatuation with it once but I got over it. I don't want to live my life in sadness, and I know some people do but it boggles my mind. I want peace and joy. I want love, friendship and commaradarie. Being manipulative and searching out sadness just blows my mind. *sigh*
I want a hug. I want to go see Matt and talk with him about it for hours. Talking with him on the phone would suffice, I suppose but no luck so far. Until then I'll just have to settle for my tea, making icons, and listening to The Postal Service.