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Alright... my left eye really fucking hurts. 0_o It's going to pop out any second, I swear.

We got back from the movie Closer about an hour and a half ago and holy hell. It made me want to kill myself. 3 cigarettes later, I've finally gotten back to some semblence of sanity, although I'm still feeling somber and extremely pensive. Seriously though, the movie was caustic. It burned me straight to the core and made me feel so completely hopeless and misanthropic. I cannot understand how people can be so twisted, so unequivocally cruel. It hurts my naive idealism. I'd like to believe that people are good, decent, and genuinely want to find happiness without hurting people on the way and this film was a total contradiction that ideology. Is nothing good, righteous, and edible anymore? I feel like the one of the last members of a rare and dying breed.Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if two of the main characters weren't artists. I have this notion that artists are pure, or moreso than other groups of people. Searching for beauty, truth, communication, purity, nirvana, etc.Also with the issue of depression being this form of pure tragic beauty, this glorious sadness. I had an infatuation with it once but I got over it. I don't want to live my life in sadness, and I know some people do but it boggles my mind. I want peace and joy. I want love, friendship and commaradarie. Being manipulative and searching out sadness just blows my mind. *sigh*

I want a hug. I want to go see Matt and talk with him about it for hours. Talking with him on the phone would suffice, I suppose but no luck so far. Until then I'll just have to settle for my tea, making icons, and listening to The Postal Service.

"I want so badly to believe that there is truth and love is real. And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd."

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
orangedust
Mar. 24th, 2005 10:15 am (UTC)
I dunno about the word artist but I make heaps of stuff and I want pretty much the same things as you do. There are loads of us left, man. I talk to a lot of really like minded people. Except ... some of them are a little overpolitical :P

Ha we should have a phone conversation and laugh at each others' accents :)

- cal
virtuistic
Mar. 24th, 2005 04:26 pm (UTC)
Maybe it's just the States then, because it's hell here. All greed, consumerism, and drama drama drama drama. No thank you! I know all of 4 people that think like I do in real life. I know a lot of people. It's not a ratio I like.

DEFINITELY OMG! That would be beyond cool. My celly number is 608.695.5563 heee.
orangedust
Mar. 28th, 2005 07:16 am (UTC)
Some people are too "cool" to be anything but depresed, they're the ones losing out in reality. Shit happens for the entirety of a person's life on occasion.

Is that an actual phone number? Looks more like an IP address!!! I don't know the number codes to get out of australia and into the us via phone numbers and tadaaa i just ran out of credit too.

God dammit.

- cal
virtuistic
Mar. 28th, 2005 08:23 pm (UTC)
*sniffle* yus... it's real but ... but... *sniffle*
orangedust
Mar. 29th, 2005 11:54 am (UTC)
I'm sorry! I'm not ditching you!

I've just tried to call people in the US before and failled and failled and failled and it did my head in completely.

Um, if you can figure out the codes, my numer is 0422 103 993

or +61422 103 993 or something

Try send me a text msg see if it works first if you like, you're more than welcome to but it'll cost you an arm and a leg probably.

Weeee!! :D

- cal
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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