July 31st, 2006

dust collector

That's why they call me Slim Shelby...

I'm back... I'm back!

In fact, I've been home less than 24 hours, and Famous Dave's already called me this morning. "You were scheduled at 10, it's now 10:30... let us know what's up!" I call back, and even though I'm "in town," I am most emphatically not going to work today 'cause I requested the 31st off too, motherfuckers. T'ain't my fault if ya'll can't read.

Whatever. I'm not gonna let it ruin my mood. I'm in a very good place, especially because I have strong coffee. I'm like, falling all over myself with glee. Every sip is a delightful kick in the teeth. My mom's coffee is oversteeped tea, guys. Granted, it's not as bad as my Grandma's, 'cause you can see through hers... but coffee needs to be black. Omg, yum. It's Kenyan, so it's more acidic than what I'm used to... but the yum stands.

Anyway... Canada, eh?! It was aboot time I got oot of the city. I'm super glad to have plumbing again... but it was absolutely gorgeous. I feel completely refreshed. I had a lot of time to just sit, think, and purge. I am the happiest I've been in a long time. It was the perfect amount of time... I was ready to leave when we did. I still can't believe it's been 5 years since I've been there. Not much has changed at all... it's almost exactly how I remember it. The only thing that's changed is the people. Joey has another son, Doreen is getting older and looking more and more like Bjork will when she's 65, Tabby moved away, and so did Ian. I think I'll write to them, if possible. I just have to hunt them down, but it shouldn't be too hard.

Though yes, I do talk like a Canadian. I haven't yet adjusted back to state-speak. Or the weather... it's 102 degrees outside. That is unacceptable. Send me back to where the hottest it gets is 75, the coolest it gets is 50, and where the forests are thick, mostly untraversed, and smell like old. Seriously, send me back up there. I think I could lie under the stars until they fall.

Also, I wrote back to Matt! It was a lot easier than I thought it would be, I just had to get my analytical goggles on and start hacking away. Anyway, the sucker is 9 pages long. I hope he's prepared.

Hi! I'm a writer! How're you? Whaddid I miss?

Also, just a shout out... I love you, Oh Dee! ♥ Come over to my side of the world, will you?

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Aries is coming by for a midnight rendevous..

My planet is comin' for a visit, folks! I hear tell it's going to look like a second moon. The sky better be crystal fuckin' clear that night, I tell you what. I just hope it doesn't cause any horrific gravitational catastrophes, i.e. tsunamis, flinging meteors in our general direction, smashing its moons into our moon or us, flinging our planet into the sun... but my friendly ex-neighborhood physicist, sbryan, has assured me it'll all be good.

Still, NASA should've just waited to launch their rovers until the 26th if they knew this thing was going to come so close. Seriously. Patience is a virtue, guys.

Anyhow, the purpose is of this post is not merely to inform you about the up and coming celestial event, but also as an opportunity to engage in rampant silliness. Clearly, this is the "opportune moment" for any and all martians to invade. So! I have compiled a list of alien types from different movies and television shows, and I figure we can do an Alien: Survivor to determine which species of martian is going to rain doom on us from the skies! Standard operating procedure, vote for the alien you consider to be the weakest link. Let's kick 'it off, shall we?

Poll #782665 Alien Survivor

Here's our competition, who is the least fit to compete?

Virtually indestructable, black, acid dripping aliens from the Alien series.
The War of the Worlds aliens
Invador Zim
The Vogons from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy
"Bugs" aka Giant Cockroaches that eat the likes of Tommy Lee Jones
The orange, glowing, sea-blob aliens a la Invasion (see also: Invasion of the Body Snatchers)
"Signs" aliens
Marvin the Martian
Mangalores, the Fifth Element
The Glob
The Goa'uld c/o Stargate SG-1.
Nymphomaniacal aliens from the Species series (i.e. Sil)

Pimp if you like! Let the annihilation begin!

ETA: I have no idea how I managed to spell "invader" incorrectly. Sorry about that.

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