March 13th, 2004

free

Thank ye, pardner.

Yeahhh... just got back from watching Hidalgo with 'the fam'. Joyful experience. Mind you, the sarcasm in the last sentence only refers to the family part of the experience. It would make so much more sense if I had been adopted, that could perfectly explain why these people are my polar opposites. No fault of mine however, I am not going to be diffident. Fuck no, not today, thank you kindly.

Anyway, Hidalgo... I was deeply impressed. I was expecting some crappy, lets demonize Arabs and make them look like raving lunatics with massive swords along with pretty horsies prancing through the desert, probably to find some oasis orgy. You know, your general run of the mill Hollywood. I was pleasantly suprised, the movie, especially the "Cowboy" [Viggo] is a man of character and the Arabs were portrayed orientally but not demonized, rather, the United States Government and their treatment of the Souix Tribe was demonized and rightfully so! Long live the Mustang! Anyhow, I'm sure there are people that read my journal and have yet to see the film so I'm not going to give it all away. Good flick though...I'd still like to see some reconciliation for the American Indians... Perhaps I'm too quixotic.

...just another freak in the freak kingdom...
  • Current Music
    White Gold - Metric
free

Love is not a victory march, It's a cold and its a broken Hallelujah...

Who the fuck am I trying to kid? I miss Matt so ... fucking ... much. I can't stop crying. I spent the whole day with my family and it just dawned on me that he's always been the one to save me, to get me out. I have just been thinking about all the times, all the time I took for granted and thought would always be here and now he's gone. He's really gone. I feel so abandoned, and I know I'm not and I know that isn't what he'd want me to think or feel, but I feel completely alone. I'd rather be up at the U, fighting with the weather and my surroundings than down here acknowledging that he's really gone. It hit me hard when we were driving home, and I thought of all the thousands of times I drove those roads with him, and how it just wont happen anymore. Not like it did then. I wont ever be the same, he wont either. We wont. I feel like I'm falling, off a sharp cliff into reality. At this point, I hope I land on spears.
  • Current Music
    Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright | Transatlanticism - Death Cab