July 11th, 2001

free

i wonder

am i crazy? i am up at like midnight, and colder than ice, exhausted, cramped, and unable to move from this chair out of fear. i must be insane. Okay for awhile i have thought there was a ghost in this house but even if there was it couldnt hurt me could it? and i mean i've been here for like what, 6, 7 years and it hasnt doen anything yet if it is even there. wouldnt it have done something already? i dont know why but i have a case of the unholy creeps. i wish someone would wake up. i always have a problem with that. i cant get to sleep if i am the last one up. until 4 o clock when the sun comes out. then i am safe. What is wrong with me? Its a walk up the stairs to my room. I do it hundreds of times a day and i cant do it now. why? because a ghost is in the other room.? can a spirit harm a living person anyway? i am not included in his unfinished business. somehow drowning myself in these conversations keeps me safe. huddled in this corner...cant move. cant leave this spot until light comes. Or until someone wakes up, and i'm not the last one to fall asleep. i am fine if someone else is awake when i fall asleep, otherwise its hard. WHY? this is so childish.! But my legs wont move.! i cant make them. my imagination is a curse unto me. father wake up.! do your normal bathroom run.! so i can go to sleep.! must not cross the hallway but why?!? i swear i must be going completely insane. but this happens every time i am down here past midnight. I am just being stupid. but either way i cant help the heeby jeebies i have. or my urge to call my mom down here and have her walk me upstairs. or the urge to run, and run, and run.
free

` gasp hack hork

well brandon my friend, the insomnia could have been a pretty good guess....the reason for my late night flip out, and now im up again. been up since 8:00...having a gd athsma attack, and to make that worse my nose is plugged and my sinuses are killing me. Yeah I mowed the lawn, heres my proof i'm going to pass out on the floor because i cant breathe.! o0o. and that is a pet peev of mine, when people write i cant breath.! instead of using the e as it is proper. that drives me nuts. coffee, help meeee. normally hot fluid does help...maybe i just need more. *sneeze* ugh. dear god why cant i just be NORMAL and be able to breathe like a regular human being.! instead of all this gasping and coffing and wheezing, and getting dizzy and getting nauseated and repeating the whole process. ` rolls eyes. i truly am disfunctional. be nice if i could find my piece of shit inhaler but the second you need it its nowhere to be found and then when you dont need them you find about 5. hmph. i wish my brother would stop being all, you gonna be okay? i think this is really serious. you shoud call someone, call dad, call the ambulance if it gets worse at least. UGH! as though i cant take care of myself. So i make annoying noises when i breathe and i suffer the risk of passing out i am NOT wasting MY morning in a gd hospital.! i HATE my lungs.
free

morning glory

Where would I be without the arts.? Music, drawing, painting, etc. they make my life so much easier. even painting an avatar helps my mood, music is wonderful. morning is helpful, sure my obvious health situation isnt fun but still, this is MY time, and i'm actually doing something i enjoy. for once...my mom would have a fit. :)
free

physical disfunctionality

GOD I HATE MY BODY! my left knee is at the weirdest angle right now, and there is nothing i can do about it until it officially pops out of place. it hurts sooo bad i cant even describe it. bite my lip so i dont cry, sittind down here screaming, then gasping for breath, trying to stay concious. my inhaler does shit for me. having my nose plugged up to hell. my body, is pain. my mom, wants me to clean my room. ` flicks bird
  • Current Music
    Down Poison - 3 doors down
frustrated

parental units....again

afdjsafjdl;as.!!! you know what, maybe after 4:30 i'll just leave.! its not like i want to put up with this stuff, how come the lawn doesnt look like its mowed?? I MOWED IT YESTERDAY!!! AND THE REASON IT DOESNT LOOK MOWED IS CUZ THE GRASS IS DEAD! GOD WOMAN! Dead grass doesnt grow.! it isnt rocket science! the only thing that got cut was the god forsaken clover flowers, if she wants proof she can go walk around the yard and get eaten alive by insects of all sorts checking that i properly chopped the clovers out of existance. i wonder, if she will even notice that the shower stall is cleaned....i think i'm gonna do one extra thing a day, just to prove that she only notices the miniscule bad things. POP CAN ON THE BAR UNATTENDED! so??? its not like the pop can is a raging terrorist. it isnt suicidal, it isnt gonna jump off the bar and spill its contents all over the floor.! So the person was doing something and had to put their can down, you know what...i bet you anything when they are thirsty they will remember it and come and get it.!ugh, i swear to god. Or how about the times when you leave your water glasses on the computer desk??? do i flip out and go postal on you?!? i didnt think so.! Well yanno what mom? Just because your not happy with your life doesnt mean you should strive to make me not happy with mine. Is it so hard to just come home and think, damn i'm glad i'm not at work and not walk around and turn your nose up at any speck of dust you see?? jeez.! youd think that after a "very long and tiring day" of work they'd be grateful to be home, too tired to complain, and not looking for something to bitch about and get all angered.! IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!? peace is not difficult to obtain.! people are such idiots. especially parents.
  • Current Music
    Cruel to be Kind - Letters to Cleo
free

wo0o0o

For once i get to have a social life. actually, my social life isnt too bad seeing as i got back from my fam reunion on sunday, did something with carmen on saturday, then did something with Lita yesterday, now comz is spending the night.! fun fun.!!! i am really glad my mom is allowing such a thing...well...on the condition that i still do work tomorrow. ` rolls eyes. but that is expected from mi madre...buttttt...i m gonna go cuz my entertainment has arrived.! parents SUCK! imma kick heathers mom. but now is the time for peace.!
  • Current Music
    NeW w0rLd - Unkown