July 10th, 2001

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alleviation

Morning is such a wonderful time. Im actually alone.! i love being in my house when there is no one else in it. Down here, with the morning light streaming through the window with my coffee and my computer. If i had a laptop i'd be outside with the little bunnies running around. Right now i'm attempting to NOT think of the extra work my mother has given me, apparently her bad mood from last night has given her a bitchy-ness hangover. My dad is GONE until 8:30.! wo0o0o.! I'll be gone by the time my mom gets here which is my goal today. just to get out of the house and away before she gets home. Morning is so nice.! the world is occupied with other things and leaves me the hell alone. or maybe its lazy and is still asleep. ` shrug. Either way it isnt bothering me yet. Ahhh beautiful release.! Unfortunately telemarketers never cease. They call at like 8:00 in the morning and if i wasnt already up i'd probably have been livid with rage but yanno how that goes. This month is flying by, i'm actually almost grateful, summer is actually kind of depressing. Seeing as i need a job and i dont know if i'll be getting one. but morning, the shops arent open so i dont feel obligated to go ask for apps. i dont feel obligated to anything actually. i like this feeling. freedom. Its nice. :)
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p0tat0 p0tAt0.!

I love da potato.! potata! Yummm. Lunch is such a wonderful thing when i am left to my own devices. Baked potato with cheez n broccoli.! yummmmm.! potatos warm my day. im just a fruit. Im wondering if I should be upset with myself. i mean my best friend is leaving for a week almost and i'm actually glad. Is that sick or is it just because i'm relieved? damned if i know. damn i love this potato.! If i told satan i'd sell my soul for one of these would he appear to take it? cuz then i could flick him off. Is that a sin? Flicking off satan? I mean its the general mood you feel toward him. its like, i'll give you this but you'll suffer later.! YEAH UP YOURS MAN! love all your neighbors, unless they happen to be satan himself. New revelation. imma freakin genius! wo0o0o.
  • Current Music
    Their Law - Prodigy
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If I Could Be Like That...

Life is a strange and often bitchy thing. Love, some people despise it, but I am merely standing in awe at the power it has over our every day lives. Especially my own. How it envelopes your mind, makes you feel as though you could fly, lifts your heart and lightens your soul. It can be sparked, or remembered by the slightest things. Such as a song...It shatters the faintest trace of doubt, floods the mind with memories and hopes and dreams. The emotional effect is astounding. Sure, people say love hurts when you miss the person later but that isnt loves fault, isnt that loneliness? and when you secretly love someone but they dont know and you dont tell them, that is longing, not loving, the two go hand in hand. As well as with love and loneliness... At some point or another you will miss the person you love. That is inevitable. The old saying of "absense makes the heart grow fonder" holds to be true more than people think. I think i'd know. ` rolls eyes. Love is something i think someday i'll understand, then i'll write a manual.
  • Current Music
    Be Like That - 3 Doors Down
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parental units...ugh.!

You know, some days i swear to god they are out to destroy me. I finally get out and have a life of my own and i get back and am HAPPY for once in my pitiful existance and what do they do?!? The second i get in the house they have to piss and moan and bitch because, there is a glass on the counter instead of in the dishwasher. what a frocking crime. somewhere in between the vaccumning of the floor and 4:00 some stuff mysteriously landed on the floor. STUFF LIKE THAT HAPPENS!!! UGH! this dish wasnt done with the dishes? WHY! like it really matters, apparently it was used AFTER the dishes were done. THINK ABOUT IT! it isnt that hard.! its not rocket science! Oh fine, because i dont think these little perfectionistic details are important, threaten me with moving out. What a threat! pfft! more like a dream.! Staying here is the nightmare . I'm not afraid to be out by myself. I have places i could go until i could get both my feet under myself and i can fly on my own. Move out? YES PLEASE! Its only been my desire for the past 5 years.! Dear god, the daughter is happy, must stop this.! YOU DIDNT MAKE YOUR BED! honestly! Who the fuck gives a rats ass?!? A burgler that comes into my room isnt gonna be like, wow this must be a responsible child she made her bed.! perhaps i will reward her perfectionistic actions by not completely destroying and raiding her room.! ` rolls eyes. Yeah of course, oh i forgot the president is coming over and will be sorely offended if my bed isnt made. fuck the fact that i actually straightened my counters on my own will. that doesnt matter. God no never notice that my closet floor isnt a disaster anymore. What? She took her clothes downstairs and started washing them? Never notice that, dear god her bed isnt made. have her publicly flogged. Its not like i dont do what they ask me to. I mowed the lawn, 95 fluffing degrees outside, mowed the whole dry dusty pollen infested lawn. Had an athsma attack still cleaned the rest of the shit, who cares? she didnt make her bed and there is a piece of string from a blanket on the floor in the basement, and a glass is on the counter upstairs. What a disgrace.
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the unexpected twist

OMG! i cannot believe this. hah.! my parents will have to deal with this one. wow.! the threat of me moving out...i cant believe i am actually planning it this is so awesome.! even though it isnt permanent i mean aaaaaah.! Okay its perfect! Brandon is going to come down and i'll be already packed and what not and then he'll pick me up and take me to ignace to live with ian for the summer. and i can go back down with my dad when he closes the cabin it is perfect! i mean they told me to move out.! ` giggles.! i am just tickled.! and it could work! it WILL! AHA! this is GREAT.!!!