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hello darkness...

the world is looking pretty bleak, bitter, cold, and cruel. I hate life in all its entirety. It is nothing more than agony. Once again i have found myself to be seriously lacking. I feel so vulnerable, i'm just wandering aimlessly adrift which doesnt help either. Above all, i feel so ugly. Ian, my wonderful ian...has transformed into someone i dont even recognize. It is done. Between him and me he called it off, he found someone new. Dont know why i expected to be able to hold onto him. I dont even know how i managed to gain the priviledge of calling him my own in the first place. It doesnt matter. Nothing does. The fact is, he found someone else, he lost that loving feeling. He just doesnt love me anymore. That is killing me. What drives the knife deeper is this, not only does he not love me and he broke up with me on our 7 month anniversary...but that he slept with this girl. I know he said he was drunk and all but that isnt really an excuse. The bottle of beer doesnt rip off your pants and next thing you know you're having sex.

... damn ... hate it when that happens ...

He's not like me anymore. At least he had the balls to tell me. He said he still wants to be friends and said he was going to call me after he gets home from school. `laughs Thats a joke. And knowing me, he wont, and i'll cry some more. Suprisingly enough though i havent been crying nearly as much as last time... however... i am unable to eat anything. I've been throwing up every 2 hours or so. Not the greatest...i didnt sleep hardly at all last night. I hate this. And i'm sick of hearing people say, "Well then you are just too good for him." Dont wanna hear that. I dont really believe it. Blah. This farking sucks. Shit like this shouldnt be allowed to happen. Especially when everything was so perfect.

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