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Assorted Quotes and a Rant

Various Quotes Gathered During Lost...

faithlynn: *to some random guy in a commercial* "I hate you! Can I rip out your teeth?"

Dom: You haven't heard about the polar bears?

virtuistic: *about Shark Tale* I saw that at the drive in theater!
faithlynn: I know, I was there.
virtuistic: No you weren't!
faithlynn: ...
virtuistic: Okay, so maybe you were. ... But you were making out with NATE the entire time so you really weren't there.
faithlynn: Oh God, if only...
virtuistic: Well you were at least in a different vehicle, away from the lot of us! You were in a different backseat of a different car with a boy doing very different and inappropriate things!!!



Also, giraffes.

Rant about those who want to fuck Julie Andrews. Recorded here because faithlynn asked oh-so nicely.

I assure you that you have not lived until you have seen a flamboyantly gay man confess that he wants to fuck Julie Andrews. Now, normally this kind of thing wouldn't bother me because we all have people that we'd at least consider altering our sexual orientation for. However, no one, I repeat, no one should ever be allowed to say that they want to fuck Julie Andrews. Wanna know why? I'll tell you why! You cannot, simply cannot fuck Julie Andrews in much the same way that you cannot eat a cinder block. Julie Andrews is a respectable woman. She has a distinguished accent, amazing posture, and the woman oozes elegance and grace. You cannot fuck that! You have to make slow, sweet, sensual love a woman of her caliber. You can't watch Mary Poppins, listen to "it's a jolly holiday with Mary" and think "man, I wanna bone that!" She's the kind of woman you cuddle up to in front of the fireplace with and snuggle while reading a book, and then perchance your eyes meet meaningfully for a moment and then maybe you go for a deep, romantic kiss and then maybe if the kiss is passionate enough you can bed her well, BUT! You simply cannot violently fuck Julie Andrews. There is no banging that woman. That would be beyond unacceptable; right up there with incest, beastiality, and the Bush family procreating! There are lines. Very distinct lines. If this is the line, fucking Julie Andrews is a good football field across said line. She is far too dignified for "fucking". She deserves better. She deserves sweet, sensual, love-making, and I don't think the aforementioned gay man is up for it. I mean, c'mon, boobies.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
lightofmine
Feb. 3rd, 2005 11:27 am (UTC)
wonderfully hilarious...marvelous.
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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