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No fucking way...

Let me just start by saying that...

I...HAVE...NO...TOLERANCE...FOR...INCOMPETENCE!

So incredibly angry right now. Fury itself is raging through my veins. Granted, I know in the long run, it's no big deal because it's just a shitty local newspaper that is run by simpletons that find tractor pulls entertaining and are equipped with a completely antediluvian sense of grammar. Yet, the fact that my article, my beautifully hastily written article was so unceremoniously butchered just makes my blood boil. I was told to write a half-page article. I did. I was told to make it sound fun, this was to be an advertisment. I did. In fact... this is what I wrote.

Daily Grind to Host Read-Along
By (my name)

If you enjoy reading, are tired of summer television, are a library enthusiast, or are simply looking for a fun way to interact with your child and/or others, then this new community event could be just the thing you've been waiting for. The Daily Grind in downtown Cambridge will be hosting a group reading of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets starting at 6 p.m. on Monday, August 9th; so grab a copy of the book and bring it down to the Grind!

An audio recording of the second book in the Harry Potter series, recorded by the Listening Library, will be played through the sound system and you are invited to come and read along with this enchanting tale. Parents are encouraged to bring their children; however, as the book can be very scary for smaller children - especially the voices in the recording - the recommended age group is for children 5-years-old and up. This read-along will take place at 6 p.m. on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights starting the 9th. The audio recording is complied on 8 discs and one disc will be played per evening, totaling approximately an hour a night. So come on in, sip a hot chocolate or root beer float, and take part in this wonderful event to help out the Cambridge Library. Donations will be gladly taken at each of these meetings to show support for the community library. So feel free to bring along a copy of the book or just come in to listen to this delightful story, coupled with the satisfaction of helping and strengthening our community. From all of us down at the Grind, we hope to see you there!


Yeah, it's cheesy. Yeah, it's kinda lame, but it's an advertisement for a small town populated by IDIOTS! If you don't spell everything out in triplicate, they get all confused and then become indignant when something doesn't turn out to be exactly as they interpreted*cough*assumed*cough*. Hence, the "editors", shall we say, turned my article into this.


Daily Grind to host library benefit[sic]
Hey! Where'd my name go?

Those who enjoy reading, are tired of summer television, are library enthusiasts, or looking for a way to interact with their children are invited to the Daily Grind in Cambridge for a group reading of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets,starting[sic] at 6 p.m. Monday, Aug. 9. Those attending are encouraged to bring a copy of the book.

An audio recording of the second book in the Harry Potter series by the Listening Library will be played through the sound system and people are invited to reading[sic] along.

Parents are encouraged to bring their children. However, since the book can be scary for smaller children, the recommended age group is for children 5 and older.

The read-along will take place at 6 p.m. on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights.

The audio recording is compiled on 8 compact discs and one will be played per evening for approximately an hour each night.

Hot chocolate or root beer floats will be served. Donations will be taken at each meeting to support the Cambridge Community Library.


OW! NO NO NO! Christ! They didn't even punctuate the TITLE correctly! If you'll notice, Host, Library, and Benefit should, in fact, be capitolized. Another thing, since when do we have this excessive paragraph starting? Whatever happened to paragraphs consisting of three or more sentences? Is it so hard to use connecting words and make it all one paragraph? Maybe then the article would be cohesive! Also, a big one on the ow-factor, one that shook my entire being and racked my soul, "invited to reading along." OWWW!! I seriously, not joking, cried when I read that. Not cool. Also, my name ... totally no credit given to the WRITER; although, since this has been so royally fucked and is an embarassment to the written language and all forms of interpretation and humanity, I'm almost glad no credit was given! That way, their incompetence can't be pinned on me! The thing I'm really worried about though, is the "Hot chocolate or root beer floats will be served.". Yeah, they will be, if you PAY for them! In my article, it was merely a polite suggestion to come down and sip something appetizing. However, now that the context has been completely changed without anyone notifying ME everyone and their dog is going to come in for free stuff and we're gonna have to explain the error. KILL ME NOW! I mean, if you have to condense, that's fine. I just wrote the amount I was told to. But if you're going to cut out stuff, cut out FLUFF like the hot chocolate and root beer... let them find out when they COME if there's a deal. Cut out the entire first sentence. Cut out the first sentence of the second paragraph. Believe it or not, I wrote it that way so that things could be easily removed if necessary! But noooo. I seriously, cannot stand it. I'm going in tomorrow when they open at 8 to complain, and I'm going to the coffee house first, grabbing one of the owners and making them come with me. I want a printed apology, dammit because it's too fucking late to have it withdrawn now. Why, oh why did I turn down the editor job? I could have prevented this sort of depravity.

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