my life is in shambles. gotta love it. Grandma is in the hospital, getting an ultrasound and i dont know why and my dumb-ass dad wont tell me. i was late for show choir this morning, yeah if it was meaghan no one would have cared but its me. oh no! have her publicly flogged! Shave her bald and write LATE on her scalp! today royally sucked. Ian wont be coming down in 17 days. At the end of october, probably yes and a lot more likely...but still its longer. ` sigh today really fucking sucked. I tried explaining to the choir teacher why i was late. i mean hell i called in to say i was gonna be and i was sorry!!! i tried telling her and she just looked right past me and its like thank you, yes i am transparent and thank you for proving my suspicions that i mean nothing. I'm not good enough for this school. I dont fit into the equation. I am just a face that floats around that people know my name but they dont know me and they dont care. I am not pertinant. All day, its like i try to talk to someone and they dont hear what i say. No one listens. I am always outshined by someone better than me. I dont belong here. Popular people get all the attention. If you dont fit in this cookie cutter world then you are screwwed. popular people, important people, they all pretend to care. "Oh what is wrong?" you didnt care to ask me about my life before why do you expect me to believe that you care now? They only ask that to improve their own image and make themselves look caring. Its a overplayed move by very many talented exceptionally superficial decietful self-centered drama queens. Which there are FAR too many of in this sick and pathetic world that we call ours. I find that i always take a back burner. I am no ones top priority. Not here anyway. Everyone gets equal treatment here, yet i'm at the end of the line feeding on whatever is left over. If i were to move...5 people would care. Maybe 7 if i'm lucky. I write in this journal, for my sake. If people want to read it they can, if they want to comment they can. If they actually care, that is doubtful. If anyone reads this and actually listens to a god forsaken word of it...dont pick favorites. Dont hold grudges. Dont believe rumors. Explore for yourself. And actually explore the people that sit in corners with a book instead of a person. You could be surprised. Then again, you could just go be A-crowd. Teenagers Suck.