That's right folks... it's just slightly irritating.
You know what else is slightly irritating? The extravigant media coverage of the Iraqi abuse scandal, making it into a glamorously disgusting ordeal. Yes, let us post these pictures all over the net, all over our newspapers, all over our television screens and make it look as though we're almost gloating to people that cannot understand. Yeah, lets give these assholes attention instead of punishing them hardcore. It's "Un-American" ... which is why it's going to be seen and talked about all over America for the next 4.5 months... And people wonder why half the world hates us. It's called "tact", a concept this country has never learned how to grasp.
On the lighter side, and has been making me exceedingly happy, is that in a period of roughly 30 hours I have talked to Matt three times. Once for almost two hours... I didn't realize it was that long. I almost fell asleep to his voice over the reciever, it was so nostalgic. For a moment it almost felt like he and I were back on either his couch or mine, lying together in each others arms talking about art and music and the things we care about until we fall asleep together, falling asleep to the croaky sound of a person half concious, not wanting to slip into unconciousness because they're already living a dream. It was so sublime, and all the things... he's even more honest with me now, tells me his every waking thought. I knew I was the closest one to him before, the one he always told the truth too... and it has been intensified even more so. He apologized for not coming to my bonfire almost a year and a half ago... explained himself... he knew before he apologized that he has been forgiven. The honesty takes me aback, normally he's so defensive and I know he is with other people still, I guess I just feel special. It fills me with white hot energy that tingles under my skin when he tells me a relic from his past, a memory of us, the way he felt in a moment and couldn't describe it at the time... the way he tells me his thoughts, desires, wishes... so amazingly pure and true. He saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind today but missed the intro so there was a lot he didn't understand... he called and told me the movie moved him to tears a couple of times because it was so real, and we talked about the stupid little details that only complete losers like us notice, like the developement of Clementine's hair. Our favorite scene is the one where Jim is sitting under the kitchen table, and then ends up in the sink... that child-like innocence, obstinance, and ambiance. He talked about his family, what they mean to him, how he didn't know what to buy his mom because they don't have shit at the airforce base. Apparently he bought himself a disposable camera and is going to go out on a crusade in an attempt to find art on the air force base... we agreed it would be a struggle. I am so glad we're in contact again, and it's daily. It's amazing, it's an unspoken agreement that we will talk almost every day... he called today before I was going to... I called him yesterday... and will tomorrow. He said that I cheered him, because ETSOM had put him in a subdued morose type of mood, because "I thought 'Man, I should have waited and watched this with Shelby, it would have been so much more powerful." He was laughing by the end of our phone call, which ... and this is a pattern started ... always ends with "Love you" or "Miss you" or "Talk to you soon, but not soon enough." It's hard for me to believe I've loved him for two years because it doesn't seem like that long, but I know why I do.
I also wrote a poem today and a really awesome critical review for a show I didn't even go see. If I could review plays or books or something I would be so glad. The literary event I wrote about today is so wonderfully bitter and sardonic. Being a journalist will be fabulous, because if I write anything with an opinion - which I will when and only when appropriate - it sticks out like a sore thumb and amuses the living day-lights out of me. No doubt, other people as well.
Matt keeps talking excitedly about when I come and visit him. I can't wait. We've got plans, I'd like to make two trips down there. He said he's going to come back hopefully once he gets to that stage... if not he'll be home in August for awhile... I'm going to make him another radiohead patch, he still keeps apologizing profusely for losing the last one. I can't wait, I've been dreaming about it... I can almost smell him again. I feel so fucking happy, it's shocking. It hasn't happened in awhile, I haven't been depressed but this is genuine optimism and glee... that's right... glee. If I wasn't so damn lazy and tired -not to mention sticky - I could fly.