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Well well... Interesting turn of events. I'm being productive lately... what the hell is with that? That's not my style. I am not known for being responsible, in fact, I dont think I would touch responsibility with a 12 foot pole. I dont know if I feel good about it... or if I feel like I'm being brainwashed. Maybe it's just necessary with how distracted I've been lately...

I'm really worried about Shane and Matt... they're my two best friends in the entire world and they both seem to be suffering so much. I was so fucking happy when I heard matt's voice on the other end of that line... I felt so bad on Friday when I missed his two calls... but he called again on Saturday and we talked before he had to go on guard duty.. He told me he was really melancholy, worried about Shane, felt guilty. I swear to God, Shane is too busy feeling sorry for himself to realize how worried we all are about him and how much we care. I wish I was home so I could cheer him, I'm just worried that with my job it'll be difficult. Phil and I have been talking about it a lot and I really think Shane needs to get the fuck out of Wisconsin. Phil told him that he could live with him when Phil starts living off base and he said he'd do it but he's so fucking obstinate and indecisive. And It's like Phil said, He, Matt and I were all Shane really had... and now we're all gone in a way and I can't help feeling guilty... but I have to live my life too... and if I stayed in Cambridge, it would have killed me. I'm really worried Shane might be subject to the same effects, and I'm worried he wont move before it's too late.

On the brigher side and color, I got matt's new address, he should get his phone either today or tomorrow so hopefully soon I'll even have a number... I miss him so much. I'm going to write him a letter either tonight or tomorrow or maybe just an e-mail... but there's something that's so much more personal about hand-written letters... plus I found my stationary... haha. Well, It's settled. And I'll send him the thing about hitting yourself in the face with a hammer... after all... it isn't dangerous as long as you only do it socially...

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